charlieinjapan

Speaking of Toddlers...

2010-05-14T21:18:00.005+09:00

I've been promoting the Talking to Toddlers audio course on this blog, and I must say that since starting to use it...well, let's just say that bedtimes are much less stressful, just because we are now thinking about what we will say to our kids before we actually say it.

But after all this talk of Toddler misbehavior and Toddler tantrums, I thought it would be fun to show you a little girl, Jessica, who is high energy, in all the right ways:

Shopping Spree!

2010-05-11T22:39:00.002+09:00

Sometimes, when things are feeling not-overwhelming, and like on a rainy night like tonight, I'm sitting at the computer and an email comes up. Or a suggestion by a facebook friend. Or a Twitter Tweet.

So I click on the link and sometimes what I see is really good.

If the mood is right, and (in theory) when I haven't spent much in a while, or if the stock market had a good day (see, searching for justifications) I'll click on the "Pay Now" button, and get another digital product on my harddisk.

This week, I finally bought Emiko her own copy of "Talking to Toddlers" (yes, that's my very own affiliate link)

Then I got word of Everett Bogue's "Minimalist Business." You can read about it on his own blog, at (no affiliates here!)

And then, I went downright crazy and bought an NLP certification course.

Don't know what it is about NLP that keeps calling me back.

...reviews forthcoming!

2010-05-07T15:15:00.003+09:00

My Canadian friend Chris is offering a special deal out of respect for overworked moms on this Mother's Day:

His program, "Talking to Toddlers," uses NLP communication techniques to make the "discipline" of a 3-4-5 year old more like a child's play (literally)!

Chris is taking 50% off the usual price if you order thru Mother's Day, and if you use this link:

Mother's Day Special!

You'll get about 3 hours of instruction on MP3s, as well as a bonus childrens activity book.

Yes, the MP3s are about 3 hours. That's about how much sleep you can save in a night using this program....a small price to pay for peace in the house!

By the way, I'm an affiliate and a user. Emiko has heard me talk about this before...Guess what she's getting for M Day this Sunday??

Thanks and feel free to leave comments...

GOP Senators Refusing To Work Past 2PM, Invoking Obscure Rule

2010-03-25T10:39:00.001+09:00

I used the same tactic when I was 4.

"I'm not gonna play wif you anymore!"

Would be nice if our leaders could graduate to, say, 6th grade debate team tactics.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

What Tony Robbins and Sudoku Taught Me About Success

2009-10-20T11:49:00.001+09:00

Are you familiar with the numbers puzzle called "Sudoku"? Literally, the name, from Japanese, means "numbers poison," though it could also be translated as "Number Addiction." The games are computer generated, usually, and the basic idea is pretty simple. You need to fill in the missing numbers, between one and nine, so that each 3x3 grid has all 9 digits, and each vertical and horizontal row has all 9 digits, without repeating. And the thing is, all correctly made Sudoku puzzles are solvable!

There is only one solution, but there is a solution. As I was doing my brain calisthenics with Sudoku last week, I realized that I didn't give up. I kept trying to find the answer. The reason? Because I knew there was a solution. This reminded me of the speech I heard from Anthony Robbins, when he was talking about giving up, or not. I paraphrase, but the point was that it is most difficult to keep going, to keep trying for what we want because we are not sure of the outcome!

Think about the last time you started a project or even embarked on a new hobby. If you were SURE you could play the guitar expertly after 2 years, how much longer would you keep at it? If you were certain that your new business proposal would bring in an extra $20,000 to the bottom line, how much harder would you work on it? It's only when the result is in doubt that we start to question our own motivation. Once we start doubting the result, it's not a far journey before we start doubting why we are doing what we are doing, and even, eventually, doubting ourselves.

Puzzles like Sudoku are great for keeping your mind nimble and in shape, but also for teaching stick-to-it-ivenes and perseverance. So the next time you find yourself flagging, doubting whether to continue on something that you were enthusiastic about previously, imagine that it's like a Sudoku puzzle: the answer, the result you want is guaranteed. It's just waiting for you to uncover it.

Just For Fun: Halloween

2009-10-08T13:06:00.002+09:00

For your halloween merriment!

For your halloween merriment!

Toddler Tantrums

2009-10-02T13:13:00.004+09:00

I had to share this "instructional video" on how to properly throw a tantrum.

For help with your toddler, visit

Talking to Toddlers

New Age Toddler Discipline

2009-09-29T15:01:00.004+09:00

Discipline was for me always one of those "hard" words, in my mind linked with other un-fun words like "military" and "punishment."

Of course we know that discipline and punishment are two different things entirely.

But what about "communicative discipline"?

I've come across a young father who has used Ericsonian hypnosis techniques and NLP technology to actually increase rapport with his young children.

No, he doesn't recommend hypnotizing toddlers into obedient zombies. Actually, I think part of what makes being a toddler a toddler is the mischief they can get into. They are naturally curious, and not afraid to make mistakes.

Perhaps we all should have a little more toddler in us...?

Anyway, if you are interested in NLP, as I am, and are also in the midst of raising little kids, give this page a look.

I think you'll be surprised at what a little knowledge can do for your family:

Talking to Toddlers

The Day after Mother's Day: A word for Dads:

2009-05-12T21:11:00.001+09:00

In most families, and especially here in Japan, child-rearing duties fall to the mother in the household. Watching my wife deal with managing a household—cooking, washing clothes daily, packing school lunches and communicating with teachers,--I’d say she has one of the busiest, hardest jobs in the world (though arguably one of the most rewarding). Add to this that some women, on top of all that, work during the day, and I feel almost in awe of working moms.

We men have our jobs, too, and they can be tiring. I imagine thousands of Japanese salarymen dragging themselves home after ten or so hours at the office, exhausted, hungry, and perhaps with a little work-related stress brought home for good measure.

Meishi! Furou! Neru! (Dinner! Bath! Sleep!) is not a real good basis for conjugal communication, but to say that I didn’t have nights when that’s all I wanted would be less than honest.

So what’s a father to do with his kids? Even moreso, what can the father be doing if one of his children is not going to school?

The easiest thing to do ( and what I see most often) is the blame game. I’m out all day earning money for this family! Couldn’t you at least get the kids to school?”

Blaming your wife is certainly no way to address the issue of futoko-ism. Neither is blaming the school, teachers, or your child him or herself.
The first thing you can do is to support your wife. She and you are in this together, and she needs your support (and you will need hers) as you tackle some of the challenges you will face being a “futoko parent.”

Now, being the parent of a futoko kid may not be as glamourous as being the parent of a golf pro or a t.v. personality, but it can be just as rewarding. And here is a promise: during your child’s futoko period, whether is last for days, weeks, months or years, if you stay in the game, don’t give up, and get support, you have the opportunity to learn more about your children, your spouse, your family and yourself than you ever thought possible.

The easiest and least effective route for the father to take is just to opt out. Deny there is a problem or leave it to mom and the teachers to sort out.

In my 15 years of meeting school refusal kids and their parents in japan, I can say that one of the common factors I often see is the absense (physical or emotional) of a father figure. Often times the mother is single, the father is no longer present…..

;;;

Nov 28 Best 10

2008-11-29T02:19:00.000+09:00

1. Kazuyuki called this morning to say that the freezing rain would keep him home today, but that he had indeed been hired for the job he interviewed for last week! It is "only" a 4 month gig at an educational publishers printing press, putting things in boxes, keeping things in order. He was so funny when I asked him about the interview, nonchalant, "yeah, I'm 'sposed to get started next year." Yes, January, in one month. This is a big step, and, beyond the idea, did it all by himself. Bravo to him!

2. Got an I CAN poster out to the NPO support center, who will display it at their 10 year anniversary event tomorrow. Though they didn't greet me as a king, like yesterday, I was happy to see this group, energized for thier event, and happy that there was a poster to contribute that would help I CAN as well.

3. Today's Rotary meeting didn't go as I had planned. I had hoped to tap on a few shoulders and mention I CAN, but suddenly the lights were dimmed for a historical video presentation. Lunch, "Katsu-don," was pretty good, though :)

4. Hit the fundraising trail again. I think I mentioned the past due notices arriving at I CAN, so there is a sense of urgency. I went to our kids' pediatrition, but she was very busy with flu shots. Then I went to "JMIX," a computer solutions company, again part of the Oshima empire. Though the decision-makers were not in, it was really nice to have someone there who would listen to our pitch, take notes, and make us feel listened to. No sponsorships at the golf driving range, but I saw some old familiar faces who said they could set up some free time for our kids, anyway.

What I am getting from these fundraising outings more than anything is the feeling of community and connectedness. Everytime I get out and meet people I realize how much more important, interesting, productive that is that staying inside and doodling with the computer.

5. I tried to immerse myself with gratefulness feelings yesterday, to help balance the bills that showed up. I really imagined what it would be like to put the required cash into the hands of the collector. I was grateful, and imagined what I would really feel if some magic influx of income "just showed up."

Then, in the mailbox, 3 unexpected checks, putting a dent in what's due. My heart beat a little faster as I opened up the deposit envelopes. Then I laughed.

6. During all this, Emiko called and said she was inspired to have a Thanksgiving party tonight. OK, one day late, but with the time difference and all, not too far off. This woman surprises me again. 2 days ago she was feeling unappreciated. Today she is calling the neighbors, roasting chicken and making her first quiche. I missed the first half of the festivities, but arrived home after work to a feast, then endless games of hide and seek with the 3~4 year old guests that had also been here at Halloween. A great end to the week. Oh yeah. Exhausting!

7. I stopped by I CAN this evening to check on Akiko and her student Hiro, and to give her a paycheck. By the time Hiro arrived, I was just remembering that she had asked me to cover this class. Whew. Saved by being there, on accident. Lucky?

8. Paycheck deposit!

9. Yuto and Eli being way too hyped up after "their" party. One of the things I love about these guys is that they honestly crack me up. Oh yeah. I mentioned exhaustion, too, right?

10. Emiko's new mood. She was making an effort to be sweet today. "I rented that DVD you wanted." Tiny gesture. Giant gratitude.

Nov 27 Best 10

2008-11-27T23:16:00.000+09:00

This could be hard because of another blow-up at home and a few large “past due” notices at work…but here goes:

1. It was Thanksgiving! My favorite holiday the whole year, though it’s a bit different over here…

2. Before today’s mis-communication (read: meltdown), Emiko made a great poster for I CAN and the Pony group’s joint project this morning. The things she can do with a Microsoft Word program always amaze me.

3. Nice weather. Abe decided to use his time on another part time job he has to support his I CAN habit: delivering fliers, door to door. It gave me some much longed for alone time at I CAN, as Yuki was still out sick.

4. Just when I was about to get bored, my best friend and former Engish teaching comrade Simon came in the door for a visit. I have missed having him in the English school’s staffroom. Very nice to see his friendly face today.

5. After lunch and an argument at home, I tried to continue the donor canvassing from yesterday. All the low-hanging fruit has been taken by now, so thinking about where to ask is becoming more of a challenge. On the other hand, sitting down and listing possible donors starts to shift the mind into a more resourceful (abundant-thinking) state. I felt like making the list itself was important work.

6. Then I got started knocking on doors. A few false starts, then I went to UKIO, a hundred year old Japanese garden restaurant right in the middle of town. It is gorgeous, and happens to be owned by my former boss, Mr. Oshima. I like to arrive without calling. Though I lose points in business manners, I get a lot more done, meet a lot more people, and get my foot in more doors by actually being there, standing in front of the person in charge.

Today I met Mr. Fuse (Fu-say) who was remarkably friendly and happy to chat. I hope to plan another “foreigners event” at this restaurant, with geishas and everything, so we talked about what that would be like. (answer: quite expensive! You seen the rates of geisha lately?!)

Before long we were talking about who we were, personally, and it seemed as if I had made a new friend. Doubly nice if he decides to make a contribution to I CAN

7. Getting greeted like a lost king at the NPO support group. I’m not sure why, but I suspect it’s because they want more attendees at their 10th anniversary event this weekend. I should probably go, but it is right on Yuto’s 4th birthday this Sunday.

8. At an evening English class, one of the little (11?) girls who had been driving me crazy with her attitude, for the first time since I met her two months ago, seemed cute. I’m not sure if cute is the right word, but for the first time I could see her as a little girl who, despite flare ups, was really doing her best in english class.

9. Same story, different class: one of the giggly, screw-around boys stood up and gave a near flawless english presentation. Smiles.

10. A wonderful call between classes on my cellphone. It was Yuto, on his mom’s phone, calling to tell me I had forgotten a pink plastic monkey at home that he was certain I needed for work (yes, we have pink plastic monkey toys at my house. No, I don’t need them for work). Also he wanted to get a haircut. Also would I try to pick up the new Narnia DVD for him this afternoon. Amazing to me, because this whole conversation was in his second language, English.

Kids=Sponges.

Nov 25 Best 10

2008-11-26T00:47:00.000+09:00

1. Keeping a promise to Yuto by buying him a kind of steamed-curry meat bun. I don’t know why, but it seemed important enough that I visit a few convenience stores to find this snack that I promised him yesterday. The smile on his face was worth the effort!

2. Nice hot shower to wake up from the cold night.

3. Mr. Okaniwa’s visit. It looks like our new member/donator will be dropping by for chats. About 65, with a little extra time and money now, he has found our little non-profit. A delightful man.

4. Keitaro’s University application is due on the 30th, and is coming down to the wire. It feels good to help him clean up the English on his essay, but there is still a long way to go in merely a day or two!

5. Melted cheese on toast with seasoned salt and pepper. Simple, a tad junky, but warm and soothing today at about 3:00.

6. Abe’s comment today in the car: “I think I’d like to start taking on more responsibility…” Fantastic. On the downside, I could only pay him about 90 bucks for his efforts this month.

7. Very productive meeting with the horseriding NPO we are trying to joint venture with for just a day next month. Amazing how crossed our signals had become (thanksgiving vs. christmas, our place vs. theirs, budget, etc) All these negotiating bits had waited until today. Now it seems we are back on track for a successful event come Dec. 7.

8. Nice, little tidbits of English from the little ones: a non-prompted, “Hi Charlie, how are you?” makes a world of difference. Little bits of natural(istic?) conversation mixed in with the “lesson.” The Santa is Coming to Town girls continue to amaze me.

9. A good conversation with Blair at the Engish school. Though we spent some energy criticising our last collegue, we are both looking forward to the new one, who’s visa “eligibility” just came through from the immigration office here. If all goes well, we will be welcoming a new teacher in 2~3 more weeks.

10. Hitting the hay before…um. 1:00?

Nov 24 Best 10

2008-11-26T00:46:00.001+09:00

1. Sleeping in.

2. The fact that today, “Thanks for the Workers Day” was a holiday. Kind of a cross between the American “Thanksgiving” and “Labor Day.” Only a single, one-on-one English class in the evening, which went well.

3. It’s been a while since I rode the highway (freeway?) bus. Nice to be able to sleep, as a passenger, than have to fight the rain, fight for parking, etc.

4. I was taking the bus going up to Niigata city, the prefecture capitol, for a Free School Lecture. The speaker, Keiko Okuchi, is kind of the guru of the free school world here. Hearing her presentation, I was re-inspired and re-energized to continue with this work.

5. Ms. Okuchi invited me to their National event in Tokyo in January (to speak?) Bullet train expenses paid;)

6. A hot pastrami sandwich and a Starbucks cappucino. Yes, I go all out when I go to the big city…

7. Seeing my family after 2.5 days. The freedom I enjoy when they are at grandma’s is one thing, but the reunion is even better.

8. Communication with Emiko in the car. When the kids are asleep in their carseats, we finally can stop singing “Ultraman” songs and have adult conversation. One of the things I love about emily is that she is always trying to improve herself.

9. Rain. Rather than snow.

10. Something is stirring about writing a book…

11. Whatever I do next!

Nov 22~23 best 10 at Yoga Weekend

2008-11-24T09:39:00.001+09:00

Good rejuvenation at one of my favorite places.

1. Meeting 2 new people, in person, via Facebook! Angela and Holly were fun new additions to this group.

2. Shiatsu (finger pressure) massage!

3. 2 days of delicious, self-grown vegetarian dining

4. Hugs from Akai san. I swear she is the only woman in Japan to do this greeting.

5. Too-hot-at-first, then just-right onsen (hot spring) bath.

6. Cold, clear sky with stars twinkling after our trip to the public bath.

7. Getting to know Takako, the lady who comes up for English lessons is now also my yoga partner/masseuse.

8. Foot massage? Not massage of the feet, but by the feet. You know, having someone step on your lower back and knead it with heel/toe.

9. Getting up early for a morning walk in the mountains. White with first snow, they were beautiful!

10. The fresh vegetables we picked and Akai san whipped together for breakfast.

11. The whole deal. Peaceful, restful, refreshing.

Nov 21 Best 10

2008-11-22T07:16:00.001+09:00

1. Kids and mom out again early; I enjoy one of those “big breakfasts.”

2. Mom calls from California. When she calls on an unscheduled day, my heart always skips a beat, expecting bad news of some sort. Today’s big tragedy? She wants to know how to fill out the California Drivers license renewal that came in the mail. Easy enough! Great to hear mom in a good mood.

3. Kazu called I CAN to cancel his meeting today, but added that the reason was because of a JOB INTERVIEW. His voice sounds good. This is movement we have been working towards for literally years, now.

4. Getting the courage to go next door to Oshima’s Car Dealership. Having the same owner as my former boss, they are also yearly donators to I CAN. However, the last time I asked for “dues,” the woman in charge of the books had a stern face, not too willing to help out this time. When I got up enough courage to go BACK, again, and re-ask, she smiled, said she had forgotten, and then gracefully put some cash in my outstreched paws.

5. Helping Keitaro on his…UC Berkeley application. Now this boy is a go-getter. Upon refusing to go to high school, he immediately passed his equivalency exam, then took a year to study in Australia, and now wants to go to college in America. Does he have the record to go to Cal? Not sure, but I’m happy to polish his “personal statement” and help him go through the learning experience of making an application

6. Abe and I on the charitable donation hunt. The most unfriendly, downright gloomy place we visited was the psychological hospital/counselling center. I thought we would have some common ground there, but after two meetings I give up. My god, even the receptionist looks like an Adams Family escapee. Do people go to such places expecting to feel better? Talk about weird, down energy… On the other hand, our visit to the retirement home was met by a bright, sincere, eager to listen young woman (I might even say “perky”) This is part of Oshima’s empire, so of course the reception was a bit warmner, but we had a nice cup of coffee, making plans to set up volunteerism at the home with the I CAN girls members…

7. Picking up the finished miso that we made back in April. Finally it has fermented enough to be “done.” The ride up to the kitchen to get it was hairy: lightning, thunder, blinding hailstorms. The Strattons, 4 of us in the car with Emiko at the wheel, oooohed at each lightning flash, aaahhhed at each thunder clap. And Yuto was proud to pick up the miso that “he” made.

8. Emily made a “tofu milk hotchpotch” tonight for dinner. Basically, hotchpotch is the dictionary translation for “nabe” (naw-bey) in which all sorts of vegetables and meats are simmered together in a big broth. In Japan, most families but a little gas stove on the eating table and a big earthen pot simmers in the center of the table. You take the raw vegetables and meats that you want with your chopsticks and add them to the brew, taking them out when you want. Very communal and fun. With Eli (and Yuto, too, running around for that matter) we have yet to try the gas stove on the table version. Emiko makes it in the kitchen and brings it out. Boy, it tasted good. Who would have thunk it: Tofu milk?

9. The weird, “up” energy of Yuto and Eli this night before bath, literally running, singing and dancing through the house. Naked.

10. Emiko catches me for a few minutes: “I’ve been thinking about how you can help get more business for I CAN.” Her ideas are excellent, even inspiring. And more than the substance of her ideas, in fact, was that she had been thinking of how to help me, and communicated it. Highlight of the day.

Nov 20 Best 10

2008-11-22T07:15:00.002+09:00

Nov 20 Best 10

Posted By Charlie3

A lot of little good things to be appreciated in the last few days. I need to be more diligent in journaling them! For instance, the drive up the mountain river valley almost like a time slip into some earlier, thatched roof Japanese time, the family that I met up there who offered me green tea and takuan pickles, and then the grandfather himself, 75 years old, who came down to teach us how to make rope from straw by kneading it with our hands.

For today:

1. Woke up to the first snow of the season. Yuto is excited for a snowfight, 2 year old Eli says she doesn’t like it.

2. Yuki calls in sick. This is really not a good news item, you see, but it does free up the day…:p

3. Abe stayed self motivated, produced an I CAN poster and sent it off to the national free school festival in Tokyo

4. Writing a letter the old friend who felt motivated to Paypal a donation to I CAN.

5. A visit by Atarashi san (the Franciscan monk) and his 2 Philippine nun friends. They were promoting their Christmas Gospel Concert. Kind of interesting when performed by Japanese, wearing incredibly politically incorrect afro wigs…in the Catholic Church.
6. A semi-productive meeting with the local newspaper about how to work together to produce a lecture/seminar on self esteem for kids in January.

7. Warm weather that melted the snow, delaying the purchase of new snow tires for which funds…I now require!

8. Finding out that 3 new non-Japanese aquaintances will be joining for Ms. Akai’s yoga weekend in the mountains this weekend. These are people who live locally, but whom I only know through facebook (susan, another nudge?) I’m happy to be able to help out Akai san in this way.

9. The first English class of the day, 9 and 10 year olds, who got genuinely excited when they matched two pictures of hippopotami during our game of concentration.

10. Getting back to these Best 10 lists!

Nov 12 Best 10

2008-11-13T02:03:00.002+09:00

Late, but here goes: Today was mainly about Yuto’s and my trip to the apple orchards with I CAN.

1. Son Yuto is in a very excited mood because we decided he was coming apple picking with the I CANers this morning. 3-year-old excitement is fun for everybody.

2. We had a small meeting before getting into the car at I CAN, and went through the very Japanese ritual of self-introductions, as Yuto was a guest. Because he WON the rock-paper-scissors decision mechanism, Yuto was first, his dad watching a bit too closely. And he did just great. In Japanese, “My name is Charles Yuto, my favorite food is chocolate, and today I want to pick a lot of apples.” With no one to model after, I thought that his was right on. I’m biased. He smiled.

3. Beautiful blue skies. Good driving weather for the hour-plus into the mountains in Nagano prefecture. You remember Winter Olympics there, right?

4. The drive up with Yuto in the passenger seat, 4 I CANers sitting behind us. In a way, taking my son on an event like this is a mini-dream come true. Though I couldn’t get past the feeling that most of the conversation was beyond him, and I spent energy trying to be equally an I CAN teacher and a dad, I felt like Yuto really grew up on this trip with the older kids.

5. A very warm greeting by Aoyama, the man who owns the orchard/preschool here. The preschool itself is incredible, with hand-built showers and library, a wooden main building that looks like a log ski cabin, emphasis on cooperative learning in a natural setting. Yes, our kids would be going here if it wasn’t an hour each way!

6. Picnic lunch under bright red-leaved autumn trees in crisp blue air.

7. Playing in a treehouse with my son. Swinging on the giant, “scary” rope swing.

8. Yuto again, racing with the big boys down a giant hill, taking a wild, cartwheeling spill, getting scared, crying, hugging dad, then 2 minutes later being back on the starting line.

9. Lifting my son up to pick the giantest fruits from trees laden down with softball-sized red “Fuji” apples.

10. Telling the stories all over again to Mom at dinner.

Nov 11 Best 10

2008-11-12T00:09:00.002+09:00

1. The few extra moments -- for the second day in a row--when Emiko took on preschool drop-off duty, and I could fully wake up with coffee and internet news.

2. Abe ready to go this morning: "should I get that mailing shipped off?" Yes, and good initiative!

3. That little song I posted by The Weepies. It was fun being re-introduced to them

4. A great visit at the chairman of I CAN's office. Mr. Nirei is officially the top of our organization, but as a prefecture-level (state level?) elected official, he mainly comes when there is a problem. Once in awhile mail addressed to him comes to the classroom, and I had some other information for him, so Abe and I set off to his local office. Though Mr. Nirei himself wasn't in, his staff ushered us in for coffee, let us talk about I CAN and our mission, and professed support for what we are trying to do. Nice to meet some people so nice, unexpectedly.

5. Repairing fences: our next stop was visiting the kitchen where we hoped to roast our self-killed and dressed chickens as part of an appreciate life/thanksgiving project at I CAN. The woman there, who had been a friend, had been being less friendly since spring. Strange tensions. Although our chicken/turkey sacrifice project seems on hold, and she remains not as inviting as she once was, it was worth going to make the visit, have some face time, look eye to eye and have conversation. A step in the right direction.

6. I found half an avocado to stuff into my tuna sandwich at lunch today ;)

7. Reaching out: I called the mother of a couple of members who have been out of the picture lately. Anyway, they will join us tomorrow for a field trip to an apple orchard. Also, though not as direct, I emailed another mother whose children have been absent lately too, inviting the kids to join us for activities in November.

8. An almost perfect rendition of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" prepared by two darling 10 year old English students. Bless them, they have been practicing on their own, at home, for weeks. The Christmas party at the Engish school is still weeks away, but they nailed it. Really made me smile:)

9. Amazing! A $100 donation, via a paypal "donate here" button on I CAN's site, from an old American friend whom I met here in Japan 18 years ago. Now Greg lives in the California Bay Area, and surprised me with a little gift, it seems. Cool how money can manifest from literally nowhere. Thank you to Greg!

10. Kimchee and beer!

Nov 10 Best 10

2008-11-11T01:03:00.003+09:00

I want to beg off of doing the top 10 for the weekend mainly because it was not so hot. Moody people at home and a messy, tearful, boozy English school party made for a rough 2 days. I debated changing the title for this month’s objective from “10 Best” to “10 Biggest” which is really how I do it at the end-of-the-year round-up. That means that the biggest events of any year (or day), the ones that have impact, aren’t neccessarily good. Certainly, breaking your leg would probably count as a “10 biggest news” story, but most certainly not a “best 10.”

On retrospect, though, I want to keep it positive, and keep focusing on the BEST parts of my day. So here goes, today’s Best 10:

1. a quiet cup of coffee and “The Daily Show” via internet, by myself while Emiko and kids were getting cough medicine from the pediatrician.

2. Abe and Yuki in good spirits. Yuki, after years of being a little rug rat, is turning into a young man.

3. Having my calls forwarded to my cell during the weekend has already paid off. After hearing so many people hang up without leaving a message, I looked up call forwarding, saw the price to be very reasonable ($8.00/mo?), and signed up. Today, when I returned the call I received over the weekend, I met a potential client/member. Another older young woman, 22, with not much life in her voice. Though she lives too far to commute to I CAN, we made an arrangement to keep in touch.

4. another $20 check trickles in. That means that 97% of our $1000 donation goal for a new barbeque grill and ice cream maker has been met. Do you remember the powerpoint presentation I gave in Feb or March? It was for this project. With just 3 more donations of $10, we will have acheived our fundraising goal. In fact, the barbeque and ice cream maker was purchased on my credit card when I was in the US in August, to save on freight. So this is really just a matter of re-imbursing myself at this point. But it will feel great to hit that $1000 mark!

5. Taking action on (part of) the paper pile: a medium-sized stack of returned mailings that has been sitting on the floor next to my desk for weeks has been re-addressed and re-sent. Wonder if the last 3 donations will come from this group…

6. A call from Jusco, the big shopping center/department store that I interviewed with 2 weeks ago. Apparently I CAN qualifies for thier 1% charity program, but they want to see I CAN a week from Wednesday, on the 19th. I may have to scramble to give us a more crowded atmosphere; however, I am not ashamed to show them how I CAN really works, and don’t really want to do any “performing.”

6. Wife Emiko came by I CAN this afternoon to get some help for her English class, which would be attended also by parents. It was a semi-unusual situation, with her in my workspace, but I was happy to be able to help her professionally. I don’t think she saw my disappointment when it turned out she didn’t need me as a classroom visitor today

8. A good English lesson with the hospital chairman, followed by a lesson cancellation, which made for an early night(!)

9. coming upstairs to the apartment, in from the cold, to find the heater on, the room toasty.

10. I came home at an inopportune time again tonight, meaning that the kids jumped out of their futons to greet me. Sometimes I have to get under my covers and feign sleeping to get them to settle back down. The winding-down talk, “Good night, Mom, good night Dad, good night, Eli, good night Yuto, sounded like something from the Waltons, until 2 year old Eli said, in perfect English, “Good morning!” and cracked us all up, under the covers.

Nov 7 Best 10

2008-11-07T23:49:00.002+09:00

My eyes were stinging and I felt a seasonal bug coming on but the day had a few nice surprises:

1. K. (our oldest member: 26?!) reported that he got his motorbike license!! This is a vicarious Best 10, to be sure, but he has been trying to get this for more than 2 years! In fact, he's set it up in his mind that until he got a license, it would be impossible to get a job, part time or otherwise. This is a giant step for a man who, despite getting his high school diploma at age 21, hasn't moved forward much, since.

2. Akiko, who tutors at I CAN, interupted Kazuki and my driver's license celebration with news about a part time job opening, sorting and packaging educational materials that seemed right for I CAN's older members. Kazuyuki, to my surprise, says he wants to interview for the job. (He's on a roll)

3. The Rotary Club lunch featured some incredible smoky-mushrooms-and-tofu dish that I have never imagined. Great to notice the flavors. As a bonus, today's speech was about the history and making of miso, that staple of the Japanese palate. We all got free samples:)

4. My meeting with the manager of the health club (they have "Curves" franchises in the US, right? Here, too) did not result in a new sponsor for I CAN. On the other hand, I had another great, informative learning experience just by listening to him for an hour. Quite possibly more valuable than a measly donation...

5. Despite the above meeting ending just as the banks were closing at 3 on Friday, the two banks I CAN uses to receive student payments allowed me to submit my accounting sheets authorizing the bank transfers after they had just closed their doors today. Don't get me started on the banking system here, but if you want to read a former rant of mine, check this old blog.

6. After the bank run, I stopped by the English Conversation School for a cup of coffee and found wife Emiko there, doing the same thing. She apparently locked herself out of our house in a mad rush to her classes this morning. Nice to enjoy a cup with Emiko and Yuko and the staff there, as it rained outside.

7. Third night this week with dinner at home. Children were relatively non-wild and we had a (nother!) pleasant meal together

8. Returned to I CAN where Akiko was tutoring Hirofumi. She had more ideas for I CAN, including making wood block prints and calling a calligraphy teacher. Sometimes she gets overly enthused about ideas that don't work, but these seem to have potential. She also introduced a kitchen facility open at night where the older girls from Wednesday night could try some cooking. We've been wanting to do that for a long time, but our meeting times have been too late to rent any city facilities. Until now. Today I am thankful for Akiko!

9. I got home again just in time to wake my kids up at 9:30. This can have disasterous consequences, but tonight their futon-warmed hugs and calls of "Daddy! Daddy!" were the highlight of my day.

10. Writing this and being in bed before midnight!

November 6 10 Best Things

2008-11-07T09:12:00.003+09:00

Yes, it gets hard coming up with BEST THINGS around numbers 6, 7, 8. But that’s the point. To stretch, to recall those moments that might have got missed if there didn’t have to be 10. So let’s see how it goes today:

1. Kids to pre-school smoothly. Not a big deal, but when it doesn’t go well it can color the whole day.

2. A bento box (lunch box) prepared for me by Emiko! This is a rare treat, and thanks to Yuto’s field trip today to the local park/museum, mom made a 2-fer, and I didn’t have to eat out for lunch today.

3. Easy day at I CAN. Our single morning student, Yuki, called to cancel. While it would be possible to worry about the lack of attendees here lately, I choose to take the easy days when they come, knowing that extreme busy-ness is right around the corner.

4. Squaring away some financial documents and Xmas party plans with Yuko at the English Conversation school.

5. Being able to suggest a fellow NPO group (”Junior Leaders”) who would love to help make balloon animals for the Christmas party. Feels good to be able to connect people.

6. Cleaning up by returning getting-old phone messages and emails.

7. Sneaking home for a 20 minute dinner between classes. I had a rare eye-to-eye talk with Emiko about how our day was (often we are too wiped out to do any real communication: DANGER!)

8. An email from a Peace Corps friend in Ghana, rejoicing about the US elections.

9. Unexpected $140 donation for I CAN in the mail

10. Beer and “Juno” video coming up…

Best 10 News, everyday for a month: a new way of journaling

2008-11-07T09:04:00.005+09:00

In December, I have all the kids at I CAN write their 10 biggest news events for the past year. Personal events, like passing an important test, taking a trip, or meeting someone new. And I have often said that it would be an interesting experiment to write the best 10 events for every day rather than yearly.

The point? Well, it is related to gratitude, journaling and reflection. I am hoping that by making a commitment to writing 10 best things everyday, my appreciation for each event will increase (”a delicious dinner by Emiko,” “A great conversation with the man at the bank,”)

Part of the exercise is to stop to remember the good parts of every day. Even the little ones.

Here goes:

1 Beautiful, crystal clear blue-sky morning

2 soccer and laughter at I CAN

3 some good “management communication” with Abe, telling him how his negotiations with the horses-NPO might have gone better

4 choosing “variety salad” from the supermarket instead of “chicken wraps” from KFC

5 Watching the acceptance speech of Barak Obama

6 A good dinner at home, Yuto, Eli, Emiko and me sharing at the dinner table

7 When Yuto said, “I wanna help you, Daddy.”

8 Conversation with Mizuho’s mom and finalization of I CAN membership sign-up

9 Yurie’s payment of yearly dues

10 Laughter about Emiko’s and my poor use of each other’s language.

Hosting Visitors from Pennsylvania

2008-10-12T17:20:00.002+09:00

Friday’s interpretation marathon is over.

I started the day kind of bristly, feeling used and taken for granted. I was able to mention that more lead time would be more respectful.

Then I met the gentlemen. They were exhausted from their travels, but enthused about their trip to this part of Japan. We visited local history museum, had lunch at a restaurant staffed by disabled young adults, then visited the therapeutic horseriding NPO in town. I was able to be a good guide for them, and in fact I know from hosting other visitors that this is “work” that I like. It’s easy to communicate what you like to someone who wants to hear it!

That evening they gave their presentations to a gathering of about 30 NPO groups. This was the part of the translating that I adamantly refused to do. I have no experience with simultaneous interpretation, and wouldn’t want to mis-communicate anything of importance! They hired a “pro” from the big city 100 miles away. Unfortunately, she was terrible. I literally had to jump in about 7 times to re-say what she thought she meant.

The contents of their presentations (about fundraising and corporate responsibility) were excellent, and actually close to what Charles Burke had been teaching me during our coaching sessions (now on break, by the way). The main ideas: have a good story, be able to tell it with passion, and then give people the opportunity to give and support you by asking for what you need. An excellent refresher lesson for me.

Hopefully, the organizers have learned that speaking a foreign language does not qualify one for translation/interpretation. It was a great learning experience, and I have gotten an inkling that “guiding” English speakers in this town is something worth exploring.

Though I wasn’t paid much for my day, the best benefit was meeting the NPO consultants from Pennsylvania. It feels like I did some good service for them, and they have offered to do some email consulting with me to say thanks (!)

All in all, I appreciated the little stretch their visit opportuned me.

International Dis-education?

2008-05-22T16:03:00.001+09:00

Yesterday was parent-teacher conference day at the preschool. I was at work so Emiko went. In short, daughter Eli is fine. But son Yuto (and his parents!) have a few habits teach is not too pleased about. We arrive at preschool usually at about 9:15 or so. Doors open at 8:30, and we should arrive by 9:00. But it is a battle to get kids out the door, especially when son is testing about not having to go at all. Further, since I get home from work after everyone is asleep, I appreciate our relaxed mornings, breakfast together, conversations. Teacher says that this is just Father being selfish(!) and that it is more important for Yuto to arrive ON TIME, so that her schedule is not compromised.

That’s OK. Though I don’t appreciate the editorial, I can set the alarm earlier and arrive at school half an hour earlier.

But, that’s not all. They want Yuto to stop using English words at preschool. They say it is for “his own good” to learn in Japanese only. Apparently, they have corrected his English to Japanese several times (”no, not ‘bucket’, BA-KE-TSU”; “not spider, KU-MO”) etc. This may explain why Yuto asks everyday if he has preschool or not. I sure don’t think a 3 year old boy should have to look at someone’s facial expressions and consider the situation before he decides which word to use.

Emiko was angry about this development, too. We agree that they are denying a part of his identity when they refuse to respond to his English. And what a shame. They have a great ambassador for English education in their midst (Yuto, not me), but instead of saying, “Oh, a SPIDER! That’s how to say it in English?” They completely are shutting this part of him out.

Emiko says, “maybe we should think about changing preschools,” but Yuto already has a great group of friends where he is.

In a good development, Emiko’s mother fully supported her and her grandson, and told us to fight for Yuto’s RIGHT to express himself as he saw fit. That made Emiko happy. Also, the I CAN member’s reaction to this story was great.

Yuki, who at 14 has yet to calm down, and is usually bouncing off the walls from his diet of fast food and video games, and seldom has a serious word, says, “That really makes my heart hurt.” I looked to see if he was joking, but apparently he was really moved by this story. And remember May? She surprised me by saying, “Great! Now you can homeschool him at our house! We speak three languages: Japanese, English and Hebrew!”

Funny that you can get understanding from the most unlikely sources….

It looks like we will be continuing this discussion with the director of the preschool….

America, Where goeth thee?

2008-05-17T00:34:00.002+09:00

There's going to be a new President, January 20, 2009. Whositgonnabe?

Creativity in the Classroom: Beautiful!

2008-02-25T22:25:00.003+09:00

Here is a guy from England who gets it almost perfectly right.
His bit about "kids are being taught that being "wrong" is the worst thing that could happen"
speaks directly to the Japanese school system.

I'm going to watch this a few times, and I invite you to, too. (about 20 min, WELL WORTH IT!)

How to Blog...

2008-02-25T01:12:00.000+09:00

I'm evaluating a multi-media course on blogging from the folks at Simpleology. For a while, they're letting you snag it for free if you post about it on your blog.

It covers:

The best blogging techniques.
How to get traffic to your blog.
How to turn your blog into money.

I'll let you know what I think once I've had a chance to check it out. Meanwhile, go grab yours while it's still free.

SANDOBASU

2008-02-22T16:07:00.001+09:00

2 days ago, I buried myself in the "mystical" ceramic baked pellets made from a mysterious energy-giving "power stone" in a southern island in Japan. Kind of like a hot bath, the above title is the Japanified pronunciation and spelling of "Sand Bath." I have written before about my friend trying to multi-level market me, and get me to experience this health elixir.

So I let them bury me in mystery nuggets. I sweated up a storm, and literally felt my hands and feet pulsating with the heat. They told me this was my capillaries opening up, that my body was being cleaned from the inside out. When I got out of the "sand," they filled it up with hot water again, and pointed knowingly at the film (yuk!) on the water. "You have a lot of impurities built up in your back and neck. See?" Well, I didn't really see, but I was not surprised when they recommended the extended course.

I don't think I will be back for a while. The tension in my neck and shoulders did not vanish. I had another healthy wild rice lunch there. And I did feel a bit lighter. (Sweat/water loss?)

The rest of the day got worse. I found out one of my English classes (where the little girls gave me valentine's chocolates last week) will be closed, starting next month. An insensitive financial decision. Within the hour, I had to go tell the mothers that their kids would have no class to attend in 3 weeks. I felt really betrayed by the English school, but perhaps, on reflection, perhaps that is the nature of the beast. They see four expendible bodies, I see 3 girls and a little guy who love English, and who have improved, who look forward to coming and playing in English. I haven't felt that angry in a long time.

To complete the day, I also found out there wasn't enough income in I CAN's vaults this month to pay my salary.

Maybe I shouldn't have gone to the "sandobasu" after all!

Then again, I could choose to believe that the rest of the impurities were being purged from my being....
____

On the next day, the kids at I CAN and I made bibimbap, the Korean dish, at a cooking facility in town. A bit of work, but looking back, with shopping, cooking and eating, they had a very good Free-Schoolish day, full of teamwork and success.

Also, in an interesting development, the college student who came by to volunteer last month (FP1 gratitude card recipient) came back for the entire day, and spent the night until Thursday. On Wednesday night, we had a good discussion about what he wants to do in the future, and it looks like it may be possible for him to work for a cram school here in town while helping I CAN during his off-hours. It looks like there should be a way to make a win-win for everybody with this guy.

Of course, I've only known Abe san for 3 days, and I don't know how he will be with kids, but they seem to like him, and it seems like a worthwhile avenue to pursue.

Finally, on my scorekeeping front, the scale read 68 kilos when I went to bed last night, a new low(!)

Another blog about Dieting. How Mundane.

2008-02-07T15:53:00.000+09:00

Today I was trying to be mindful of food. The upshot was that I was mindful of this goal all day, and not just when I was eating. My mind is very much on what is going into my body these days. In a way, I think that is a good thing: mindfulness. However, I think that thinking too much about this “diet” will undermine the results I am after. Don’t want to be food-obsessed.

I had a glass of water and a bowl of cereal for breakfast, with half an apple.

For lunch we went with I CAN to the “bento shop” which makes hot, boxed lunches for take out. I chose a vegetable stir fry, and we had rice we cooked in the classroom along with miso soup and some kimchee. Actually I am hoping to get the nutritionist who works 3 doors up the street to come give a volunteer presentation for our group. Some of them have instant cup-ramen noodles for breakfast (if anything), fast food for lunch. I don’t know about dinner, but I do know they are pretty sedentary. Gaming and all. Hopefully I can show off some results before scheduling the nutritionist’s visit.

I noticed that at lunch I felt really hungry, and everything tasted good. I tried to slow down and taste the food rather than inhale it. The 13 year old boys surrounding me (and Japanese males, generally) are pretty good at wolfing down food. They learn it at school where, if it takes only 5 minutes to eat your lunch, you can have 30 whole minutes for recess. You can see salarymen slurping noodles at the “standing only” counters at the train stations. Food eating champions become TV idols.

I was able to come home at 6:30 to have a shortened dinner with my family before returning for classes. Emiko baked salmon, made a tomato salad and a spinach/bonito flake side dish. Water. Again, it tasted better. I tried (with 2 toddlers vying for attention) to focus on the process of eating. Then rushing off to night classes at I CAN.

I feel a little lighter today, less sluggish. Day four without beer though I kind of wanted one while watching the latenight broadcast (in English!) of Desparate Housewives...

GUNDAM OO

2007-12-23T02:14:00.000+09:00

I am sitting here tonight in our classroom, as 10 of our members attempt an “all nighter” of television gaming.

I hate almost everything about “Terebi geimu” as they are called here, but on this one day, on our “Bou nen kai” (lit: forget the year party) I let them game until their eyes fall out.

They live at home surrounded by parents always telling them to shut it off.

Tonight, they can game until they really feel “full,” game until they are satiated, play until they themselves decide to stop.

I’m not sure it’s educational, but while it is fun, they eventually get a taste of “too much of a good thing,” and hopefully learn about setting good limits for themselves in terms of personal care.

In the meantime, behind me on the TV, battles rage on…

How to Get Smarter While Feeding the Hungry

2007-12-11T00:46:00.000+09:00

Here is a fun test that also helps people.

If you go to www.freerice.com you will get a vocabulary test.

It ain't easy, and with each correct answer, the next question gets harder.

And here is the kicker: with each correct answer, the site will donate 10 grains of rice to fight world hunger.

Well, when you start playing you see the genius of the idea. The vocabulary test is kind of addictive, and the rice keeps piling up. When you miss, rice isn't taken away. It's not gambling!

Give it a try. Build your vocabulary, and fight world hunger. Hard to find a better side benefit to study and self-improvement!

Boiling Blood

2007-11-26T20:24:00.000+09:00

In today's English class we were talking about figurative language, and one of the expressions was "blood is boiling." When I asked for someone to try to use this new phrase, everyone was at a loss, so I had to come up with something.

Then I remembered last Thursday. At the bank.

Japanese banks are not known for their speed. As a matter of fact, there isn't really a less-customer-friendly institution here, except maybe the haughty, holier-than-thou, former-monopoly travel agent JTB.

But today's gripe is about banks.

I don't really like to complain, especially on this blog, which tries to be postive. But maybe as a starting off point for "exploring cultural differences" it might be educational.

Firstly, banks offer the astouding interest rate on savings accounts of about 0.01 PERCENT, meaning depositing a 10,000 yen note would yeild a whopping one yen after a year. One one-hundreth of a cent for a $100 deposit.

To be fair, loan rates are low. My car loan is about 3%. But that is 300 times more than the interest I could get by keeping my money there.

Anyway, I went to the bank (A bank, which shall remain nameless, but contains in its name a number between three and five...)

I went to the ~~bank to open an account to receive donations from I CAN. I had our "Hanko," which is the stamp or seal which works pretty much like a signature here.

It took about 10 minutes for them to explain how hard it would be to open a new account that had a different name from the account that was already on file.

Really? I didn't know a one person per account rule existed.

Finally, we aggreed to open an account with a parenthesis after the account name, saying "donations." That only took 15 minutes.

Then the clock started ticking.

10 minutes
...15
.......20
Would I like a cash machine card? No, not needed.
................30 minutes
...........................40
Mind you, this was to open an account with 100 yen (about a buck)
....................................45 minutes
..............................................50 minutes

Finally, after about almost an hour, being the only customer in the bank with a staff of about 20, I got my little passbook. The bank lady said,
"Omataseshimashita" ("Thanks for waiting") and I walked out, wondering what in the &)%&'!! would take so long.

My good friend Simon from New Zealand said, "I always just hoped there was so much more money 'in the system' that it took longer for things to run their course."

Simon gets kudos for positive thinking but unless the passbook is being hand engraved with golden lettering, I don't see why this has to be.

And the Japanese who live here are just compliant, used to it, and never realize that when a company has to send someone out for half a day "ginkko mawari" (Making the bank rounds) that time could probably be better spent at the company.

Does anyone know why Japanese banks are like this? Any other horror stories?

Later that day I was further encouraged by my dealings with the POWERS at City Hall.

Asking "Could I bring my poster for the event tomorrow instead of today?" sent me on a phone tag game that lasted again for 20 minutes.

NOT ONE person would tell me if this was "within the rules" or not. Finally, when I reached "the man in charge," when I asked what time the event started, he had to put me on hold again to ask (a superior?).

Sometimes I am amazed this country works as well as it does.

Comments? Reactions?

Social Networking

2007-11-19T23:43:00.000+09:00

I never really got the point of MySpace and Facebook.
Really a time-waster, if anything.

Then I found a new one.

Man, this will really eat into your day!

The idea is you get paid for how many clicks you and your referrals make every day.
It's a tiny percentage but grows exponentially with your referral tree also making clicks.

So, let's all join and make a million dollars!!

Here's the link:

[Yuwie!]
See ya there!

A dying breed?

2007-09-04T13:45:00.000+09:00

A friend wrote last week to recommend the new book
Yakuza Moon: Memoirs of a Gangster's Daughter, by former gangster daughter Shoko Tendo. The article posted on Reuters, here, says it all.

The Yakuza are a mixed lot, at times praised for their Samurai values of loyalty and honor, while on the otherhand dealing in violence, drugs, prostitution and other not-so-savory trades.

Though the numbers of gang members seem to be declining (not sure how they are counted...a Yakuza census?) those who remain in the lifestyle seem to becoming harder-core criminals.

Once of the most interesting parts of the Reuters article was this bit, with the ramifications of globalization and its implied implications for English teaching:

"As the world becomes more borderless, they'll need experts who can deal with this too, speaking Chinese and English."the world becomes more borderless, they'll need experts who can deal with this too, speaking Chinese and English."

Maybe some entreprenureal spirit could tap this niche, with a tattoo/English salon, or a new classes at the neighborhood Eikaiwa school: "Fuggedaboutit: How to Speak like a Mobster." Or "Illegal contracts and customer service" although that niche may already be adequately covered by our friends at NOVA.

While I haven't read Ms. Tendo's book yet, I plan to. Not only is she beautiful (if that really is her on the cover), I imagine she has had a few tales to tell, and a few insights even into the future of her country. An excellent chance to see "the underside" of an already sometimes-hard-to-fathom society. In hardcover now, below.

How to Communicate with Your Child

2007-08-30T11:49:00.000+09:00

Today in Japan more than 3% of all school-age children are truant, or “futoko.” And the numbers are growing.

While it would be nice to live in a society where alternative styles of education were accepted, that future has yet to arrive. So for many of us, it is best to do the best we can within the system as it stands.

So, what can you do, as a parent, to ensure your child stays in school?

In real estate, it is said that the three most important factors are “location, location and location.” For raising children, it’s “communication, communication, communication.”

Communication with your Child:
This almost goes without saying, but in the day to day busi-ness of life, real communication often takes a back seat to commands (“put your toys away,” “brush your teeth”) or confirming our mutual schedules (“after school I’ll pick you up for karate practice”)

All parents have asked the question, “how was your day?” and received a succinct, “fine.” The key is to ask more specific, yet still open-ended questions. “Was the test as hard as you expected?” or “did you go in the pool today?” at first seem like yes/no questions, but they lead themselves to expansion. Of course follow-up questions are allowed and encouraged!

In the Car:
This is almost a magical communication zone. Maybe because we are NOT facing eye-to-eye, or because we are ostensibly doing something else, that communication seems easier. These conversations, “on the way” to the supermarket, to school, to practice, are vital communications with your child. Because the guards are down, real feelings can come to the surface.

When faced with Silence:
Kids are not stupid, and sometimes the only time they can feel power over an adult is to withhold information. Silence, from a kids point of view, is the great equalizer. If they don’t speak, they don’t have to “give” anything, and eventually, they hope, you will stop asking.

Just because a child is not speaking does not mean they are not listening. Feel free to speak your part of the communication, because even if there is no confirmation or response (and it CAN be frustrating!) chances are your child is listening to you quite carefully.

The key point is to make sure your child knows that you will be available to listen when they are ready to open up. If your schedule prevents a heart-to-heart when your child wants it, you CAN schedule private time later with your child. Children are busy too and can understand that you have other, if not more important, commitments in your life. The point is that if you make a promise to talk about school after dinner, you MUST honor that promise with your child. The investment you make will help build trust with your children.

Build Trust by Risking Feelings

You can encourage real communication by your children when you use honest, real communication yourself. “I had a busy day, my boss yelled at me, and I just want 20 minutes to relax by myself,” tells your child where you are emotionally and how you are feeling. Bringing your mood into the communication, WITHOUT EXPLAINING IT, leaves your child bewildered and unsure about which mood, and what kind of parent he will meet each time.

It is important to be real with our children, but we must not burden them with our adult problems. Sometimes, especially in single-parent families, the child becomes a confidant and best friend, when in fact what the child needs most is a parent. If mom is feeling lonely or upset about her boyfriend, or has financial worries, perhaps those issues are better discussed with adult friends. Be careful not to demand that your children solve YOUR problems.

Love letter to Yuto

2007-08-20T22:21:00.001+09:00

Man, you are growing up!

Not yet even 3 years old, and already you laugh, make jokes, tell fibs, pour your own milk, wash your own plate, put your laundry away (better than me--just ask mom!) fight with your 11 month old baby sister one minute and then tenderly hug her the next. She loves you, and so do your mom and so do I.

We had a great summer vacation, didn't we?
I will never forget your first trip to the ocean.
"Big one coming!" and we jumped over the little ripples while you held me and giggled.

Fireworks? "I'm not scared!"

Then our time at the pool. I will never forget you "swimming! swimming!" as you kicked your arms and legs as I held you above the water. From the bottom pool step, just up to your neck, I stood a bit away, and you jumped toward me, smiling and with utter confidence that I would be there to hold you. Even as you started to go under, you never stopped smiling. For a flash of a moment of a second I thought what it would be like if I wasn't there to pull you up. You never doubted me.

I hope you never lose that trust in people.

When you walk into a room of strangers, you assume everyone is your friend, that everyone will love you. Usually, you're right.

You look older kids right in the eye, and say, "Konnichiwa!" Hello! Good Afternoon! Nice to meet you! More times then not, shy Japanese kids don't know what to make of your friendliness, and mutter a response, or look for their moms.

You always have trouble getting to bed, going to sleep. Last night was no different. "Go to bed, NOW!" I end up shouting. You cry, "Don't get mad, papa!"

You can sing all the songs from "High School Musical" in English.

You are a good climber.

You are a good wrestler.

You are a fast runner.

Last night, I had to go back to work, to get ready for Monday. You wanted to come too, even at 11:00 at night. "I wanna work!"

Finally, after scoldings from mom and me, you got into your futon and got quiet. After a few minutes, in a real quiet voice, you said, "papa? You can go to work now." My heart felt full. "Mama and I are going to sleep, so you go to work." I was at the genkan entrance of the apartment, frozen. "Papa, suki yo" (I love you). "And tomorrow pick me up from preschool in the black car."

Yuto, you don't have to grow up if you don't want to.

Love,

your Papa.

HAPPYNESS??

2007-08-04T19:48:00.000+09:00

I just saw the semi-new Will Smith movie called, The Persuit of Happyness. I think the Japanese title was "Shiawase no Chikara" or "the Power of Happiness.”
After "I, Robot" and "Hitch," juuust little by little and step by step I am becoming able to watch a movie starring the Fresh Prince of Beverly Hills. I never thought I would say those words.

Anyway, Fresh's son is really a cute kid, as most reviews of the movie will tell you. I guess we are supposed to be rooting for this guy going for his Merril Lynch job, but it is certainly not the most altruistic of dreams. While he was pursuing his version of "Happyness," his son was at a rather questionable Chinatown daycare center watching episodes of the Love Boat.

While I was in tune with the "never give up" message of the movie, my friend Simon, who is always good for a reality check, said that the main character was completely irresponsible. Taking his kid into the subway station restroom to spend the night was supposed to show, I suppose, how desperate he had become, and how commited he was to finish his internship at Merril Lynch. According to friend Simon, he was just being an irresponsible dad.

I guess it is easier to make sacrifices for our dreams when it is only us who is affected by our decisions (successes or failures) Once you have a family, Simon reminded me, your pursuit of Happyness has to take a back seat to insuring the safety and well-being of your kids.

The real villian in the story was the wife/mother, who just skipped out on her family because, as she said, she didn't feel "Happy."

Worth a rental, to see Will Smith's cute son and scenes of San Francisco.

What if we gave a party and no body showed up?

2007-07-25T20:44:00.000+09:00

This is kind of what's happening at work lately.

I admit that my enthusiasm for planning events at our Free School, I CAN, has, well, been curbed somewhat in the preceding months.

When I announce, "Let's plant a vegetable garden!"
I hear, "How long will THAT take?"

When I prepare an adventure-based field trip, "Let's go rafting in Gunma!"
I get, "Not interested."

So I try to turn the tables: "So, what do YOU guys want to do??"
"Whatever."

It is sometimes hard to stay motivated when your surrounding environment is so, well, unmotivated.

Here are some thoughts: Maybe I should just LET the freeschoolers have their relax time. Don't pressure them to do the things that I think are good for them. Like I tell the parents: You don't have to hold expectations.

The question that has been with me since I CAN started is this: How much of a "kick in the ass" is good for kids, and how much is too much?

Okuchi Keiko and the Tokyo Shure gang seem to think that kids programs should be 100% kid-centered, with no adult curriculum set, no expectations, no pressure.

While this appeals to the lazy side of myself, I am not sure kids do their best with NO expectations.

This topic needs more thought and more discussion. Feel free to comment.

Charlie.

When the Earth Quakes...

2007-07-25T20:36:00.000+09:00

Man, that was a big one!

Growing up in California got me kind of used to earthquakes. I was in San Francisco in '89, walking home in the weird, electicity-less twilight.

Almost 20 years later and patterns repeat, the earth still moves. This time, right under the largest nuclear reactor in Japan. While the TV cameras showed the black smoke billowing from the nuclear energy plant, the on air announcer assured us that the media had been assured that there was no unseemly damage.

More than a week later, and inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency (I think) have had their inspections delayed because the damage is unexpectedly bad. Kudos to the government of Niigata, though, for shutting them down. Should get interesting in August, when energy demands skyrocket.

Immediate fallout? Well, figuratively speaking, I had a beach barbeque cancelled because the managers of the participating free school thought their may be some radioactive waste flowing into the ocean water.

Radioactive, human, industrial. The beaches here don't discriminate on waste.

Have a great summer!

A hero talks about kids

2007-07-17T12:46:00.000+09:00

My job in Japan is working at I CAN, which is a non-profit Free School which offers a place of caring and socialization for kids who are not in traditional schools. Here, Deepak Chopra tells about what kids need and want, and how adults can improve their relationships with kids.

From my new friend Regi, who came up to Noh:

2007-07-14T17:09:00.000+09:00

So, I sit here on a seemingly Friday (but its Thursday) afternoon, planning my next trip overseas. One thing I have learnt over the past year is that I earn enough money in this job to take me anywhere I want to go, physically. It just can’t take me there for a long time. Which makes the decision to travel even harder!

This week has kind of come by as a relaxing, and yet totally present-minded week. Last weekend I headed to my favourite village around this area called Nou, which is situated on the coast. The reason I like this area is that it has that coastal feel to it. Relaxed, breezy and great seafood. What brought me to this place was an email off a stranger, suggesting a weekend of ‘yoga, massage, meditation and micro-biotic food’. After talking on the phone about the weekend a couple of times, it was brought to light that no-one else could come, so it was just us two, heading to the seaside village to visit a lady who like yoga and cooking.

Starting off the weekend with ‘meet and greet’, re-discovering that to trust of all people, as opposed to people having to earn your trust, can make all the difference to your perception of others and the perception of yourself by others. I remembered a friend I had, who for one reason or another, always used to say ‘you have to earn my trust’. The worst thing about this is that you never really fully ‘earn’ it as they are always holding you at arms length. Charlie, who has lived in Japan for 17 years and Akai-san who lives in Nou. This is our story (‘This is you Life’… teehee)

I was greeted by Akai-san at her beautiful timbre house which is out of town, alongside the river in a valley surrounded by lush green tree. We enentered her house and she greeted us with a hug; something, which was common in Ausland as a greeting, but I had since forgotten about as it is just not done in Japan. It was an amazing start to the weekend; to feel not just physically welcome in the house, but to be immediately trusted and welcomed as a spirit into someone’s life. The power of the hug!

Following an amazing lunch of salads, soup and brown rice (which apparently is readily available in Japan. Stupid me for believing otherwise and sub sequentially not looking) we headed to do some group yoga and shiatsu (finger-pressure) massaging. All relaxed and sharing deep breathing (it was nice to do yoga with others instead of just in my living room with a TV) we headed off to a local onsen for a soaking before an amazing dinner featuring a WHOLE fresh crab and seafood that I had never had before like Sazae (turban shell?).

A couple of drinks and we three like-minded/spirited people sat and discussed a range of topics, then headed off outside to view fireflies. I had never seen them before and watching them in the rice fields and the tress, with the hot air, reminded me of Christmas time at my grandparents house. It was such a wonderful, child-like feeling, running up and down the road, finding the glint of one, or watching as the jumped around.

Sunday we went on a 4km run and then 4km walk around the village. Being able to run 4km without stopping, made me feel awesome, followed by a BBQ with a friendly bunch of friends of Akai’s then off for a last onsen.

The events of the weekend were totally complimentary to the experience, but they weren’t what made this a weekend that affected me. It was the attitude, caring, sharing that occurred between three people that have made me feel so free, appreciative and appreciated. The whole feel of Akai and her house, and the company of Charlie and his level thoughts are what I have and will carry with me.

Thank you.

Rainy Day Rejuvenation Retreat

2007-07-05T21:50:00.000+09:00

Yes, a (small) group will be going up to Akai Nobue's Lodge and home this weekend to celebrate TANABATA, or the "Sky Weaver's Festival." I have written about the project before, here, but Akai san's place must be experienced. On our menu is Rejuvenation: Lots of Yoga, Healthy Dining, Onsening (Hot Spring Bathing) and good talk. Cost is ¥9,999, or less than you'd spend for a night drinking on the town here. And as I've said, you will feel much better the next morning spending the weekend with us.

You can still email or call me if you want to attend, up to Friday the 6th! email to charlie3@joetsu.ne.jp or comment right here.

Thanks. Be healthy.

Charlie.

One example of a Free School...

2007-06-30T20:50:00.000+09:00

I was happy to find this when I did a seach on Google for "I CAN" and FREE SCHOOL. Although yours truly didn't get listed on the first page, this great promo for a free school in the US came up. SOoo, what do you think? Is this what education should be? Are these kids smart? Precocious? Normal?

The setting is beautiful. Might there be such a location for I CAN some day!!

Enjoy and comment as you wish.

How to be a Man...

2007-06-25T15:30:00.000+09:00

After the sick-scares of May, June turned into a good month. Emiko and I just got back from taking our daughter, Elinor to the American Embassy in Tokyo to get her registered as a US citizen. In 3-4 weeks her passport and Social Security number should come. Congratulations, Eli!

While poking around on Amazon today, I found a great book! Part "I CAN manual" and part "Boy Scout Handbook," The Dangerous Book for Boys covers all the essential skills for being a boy: paper airplane making, go-cart building, bow and arrow making, as well as adventure stories about Shakleton and Perry, Edmund Hillary and the like. There is an American and a British version, and the crafty stuff kind of reminds me of the Japanese best selling series of a few years ago called Asobi Zukan (Play Guide) which had rules and diagrams for how to play sumo, make bamboo skates, sketches of common insects, how to pitch a tent, how to make a teru-teru bozu, and how to use a ken-dama. The "Zukan" is written in Japanese, but it has enough drawings and diagrams to make it nearly bilingual.

Apparently there is a debate (possibly manufactured?) about the political correctness of "A Dangerous book for Boys" I expect to be giving this to some father friends of mine. I say, turn of the Playstation and Go Outside! Even in the rainy season, there is more to be learned in a walk around the block than clearing another level of Dragon Quest. Check out the Amazon interview with co-author Conn Iggulden, who seems to hit it right on.

"Boys Be Ambitious" as William Clark famously said to the young men of what is now Hokkaido University, always had kind of a sexist ring to my ears, but I don't find anything to argue about with "Boys be Strong" or "Boys Be Adventurous" or "Boys Take Risks!" Of course, my argument about Clark's phrase was that it excluded girls. What, girls don't be ambitious, stay home and do the laundry? Yes, Girls Be Strong, Girls Be Adventurous, Girls Take Risks. Just watch the risky behavior. Hmm, am I falling into a quagmire of sexist debate? Of course I want freshly Americanized Elinor-chan to be strong and be adventurous, but I feel better about her brother taking on more risk.

Risk management in Japan is another topic for another post, but books like "Dangerous" and Asobi Zukan can give young or future men a good foundation in what it is to be...what it can be to be... a guy, and feel just fine about it.

Tasting Fear

2007-05-28T20:59:00.000+09:00

The month of May in Japan is known for its doldrums and emotional blahs. There is even a term, "Gogatsu Byo" (lit. May disease) which describes this phenomenon. While merely anecdotal, it seems that May is a tough time for a lot of people: The new school/work year is now in full swing. After the extended (by Japanese standards) holidays of Golden Week at the beginning of the month, the rest is just a letdown. The cherries have dropped their blossoms, nothing but rainy season to look forward to...

For me, May was hell.

At the end of last year I was asked to schedule a follow-up exam to check on the shadow in my left lung. "90% there's nothing wrong, but we should check it to be on the safe side." That and dental check ups. I tend to let those slide, too.

When my dad had an operation for lung cancer 6 weeks ago, I remembered the physical that I had never re-taken. So I took time from work, went to the giant hospitalfactory in town, and had another x-ray taken of my chest. Not the greatest way to spend a morning, but certainly not painful. The doctor asked, "did you have a cold when you had your first x-ray last year?" and I answered negatively. Hmmm, he said, let's take a look at the new pictures.

My mood darkened considerably when he said that yes, indeed, there was something there in the lung. I used to smoke about 3 cigarettes a day for a while, trying my hardest to act like a Japanese. I quit 3 years ago when Emiko got pregnant. So what were those spots?

"Well," said doctor X, "let's schedule a CT scan and take a closer look."

A CT scan? A CAT-scan, right? That's for really sick people! Shit, I thought, this is suddenly very serious. He wanted to schedule the CT scan for the 1st of May, in the middle of Golden Week, but I said no thank you. Vacation and all.

Little did I know how the upcomming test would color the days ahead... Being a good student of Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking, I gave my brain instructions to heal me every night. My mind starting down on a morbid, fearful ride that I didn't want to be on. Moody and Morose.

I told my wife, and decided against telling my own parents. I looked at my kids, Yuto and Eli, with a new kind of urgent love. Suddenly I realized, probably late, at age 43, that my tomorrows were not endless. Heck, this could be the end.

In the meantime, people started telling me I was losing weight. While Japanese people are prone to greet each other with, "Hey, you got fat!" Suddenly their observation that I was getting thin took on a new, cancerous meaning. I was also getting a cold, and a cough, so each hack took on the meaning of a death rattle. I was spinning toward panic.

In the middle of May I finally got the CT scan and blood test. And then two more weeks of waiting for the results. More time to brood and fantasize. People at the English school where I help out were commenting that I seemed distracted.

I CAN, our NPO for school refusal kids, turned in financial results almost exactly the same as last year: just a little in the red. Not turning a profit isn't as demoralizing for an NPO, maybe, but seeing the results of a year of new strategies and working style net the exact same results as before was uninspiring, to say the least.

In the meantime, Joe Vitale, of Hypnotic Marketing and The Secret fame wrote of a similar experience in his blog. He found that he had nothing, his cancers were not cancers, but he had been afraid. I took heart from that and intended/imagined a similar benign ending to my test series.

I also got unexpected support from an online friend in a mastermind group I semi-participate in. Susan Minarik, a woman who I "only" know online, showed incredible support and friendship when I was letting my mind get the best of me. She always had just the right message of positivity, realism and daily friendliness exactly in the dose and tone that I needed, just when I needed it.

When the day came to get the results of the CAT scan, my wife Emiko joined me while a friend watched our baby. I was a mess. Walking up and down the hospital corridors waiting for my number to come up (literally and figuratively!) I was completely dependant on the doctor's words. There was nothing now that I could do to help myself. I was either sick, or not.

His next words would either be extremely relieving, or the start of treatments, perhaps an operation, who knows. Death?

"There was something on your X-rays, but the CT scan shows no problems. 'Mondai nai desu ne.'" Never has the Japanese language sounded so beautiful!! Emiko looked at me and said, "I told you so!" and I literally started weeping tears of relief. There was no cancer, no TB, no treatments or quarantines. The sun shone a bit brighter.

I am still reflecting on what there is to be learned from my month of thinking about my own death. I'm not done yet, but it is amazing how quickly I have gone back to my normal day-to-day patterns. Not unhealthful, really, but not quite as intense, either, as it was earlier in the month.

Here are a few of the things to be taken away from all this:

1. Fear sucks. I know about F.E.A.R.: Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. I knew that the energy I was spending worrying was negative and could be better spent. But I couldn't help my self. I DID imagine a healing of myself every night. I DID try to keep positive. But damn, it kept getting away from me.

2. Ask and receive support. You never know who your friends may turn out to be.

3. "I am not my disease." I wonder if I made that up. For example, if we are ill, or disabled, or in some other way not perfect, that in itself doesn't have to be our identity. In moments of clarity I realized that the me who I am is not even my body (although it deserves the best of care as a "vessel" of me.

4. Today, this moment, counts. There are not an unlimited number of tomorrows. Take care with your time.

5. Be Thankful. This is right out of The Secret. Be grateful for everything there already is. Be thankful for the disease or the scare of the disease because it is a learning opportunity.

6. Finally, I added 2 words to my closing signature, which used to be, Be Good, Laugh More.

Be Well, Be Good, Laugh More.
Charlie in Japan

Akai san's place

2007-04-28T20:10:00.000+09:00

I don't usually do recommendations, but since we are planning a "healing" or "Real Japan" kind of retreat,
I thought I'd introduce my good friend who will be hosting the event in June.

Akai Nobue lives up the Noh River valley in a beautiful, European-styled "pension," or Lodge. Actually,
her place is part restaurant, part meeting place, part concert hall, part beer hall, and yoga/calligraphy studio.

The food is excellent. All natural, mostly macrobiotic. And most importantly, delicious.

The surroundings are beautiful. You can really see the seasons change with regular visits. Look up the valley
and see Hiuchi san and other beautiful mountains. Look the other way to see rice fields with a river running through.

Finally, and the real reason for visiting, is Akai san herself. She, by herself, has been running this establishment for years, while also serving until recently on the City Council of Noh. She is the most positive person I have ever met, mixing stories, advice and anecdotes with great coffee, tea, and usually something tasty from the oven.

Her website is here:

www.akainobue.com

A typical "Weekend Yoga" course starts on a Saturday afternoon, begins with introductions and "ice breaking," then shiatsu massage (lit. "Finger Pressure," like acupuncture with fingers.) Then a walk up to the onsen hot springs a few hundred meters up the valley. After a delicious dinner there may be a concert, debate, or just good, real talk. At night there is a meditation session.

The next day begins early with shouji (cleaning: discipline for the mind) and a morning walk or jog up the river. After breakfast and a short rest, there is morning yoga and massage, followed by cooking (and eating!) of the day's harvest.

When we get together I'd like to add some "Tarot Reading" or "Spirit Readings" just for fun. We really could build the program ourselves and do what WE wanted to do.

Finally, please comment on what you think a FAIR price would be for this experience. (1 night, 2 days, 3 meals, 2 Yoga classes, card readings, cooking class, meditation, onsen, etc....

Thanks for your feedback and let's have a great event!

Charlie.

Steve Wrote a Book!!

2007-04-18T23:44:00.000+09:00

Well, it finally happened.

My best friend in high school is a published author. I, alas, am not. Yet. And only if you don't count blog publishing.

Steve Martin was, in short, the funniest guy in high school. It probably helped that that OTHER Steve Martin was at the peak of his Saturday NIght Live appearences at that time, but Steve was funny. Still is.

We were originally introduced by a mutual friend through the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I had a D&D stage. We ate Doritos and Dr. Pepper and fought with our imaginary characters of Elves and Dwarves. OK, I had a kind of geeky stage. Possibly still in it.

Anyway, little did I know that Steve was honing his fantasy imagination skills as we were playing. Since graduating from Pepperdine in Malibu, he became a minister involved with young people. Apparently, as a counsellor and swim coach, he learned a lot about kids. The jacket of his book, The Brand Medallion says that he and his wife have 3 sons, and are "living the adventure..." I am sure his sons, the oldest which has graduated high school, have taught him a thing or two, too, as does my 2 year old.

Well, aside from the "High school reunion" aspects of this story, there are two more relevant points.

1. The book itself is great! Although Steve says he wrote about Christian themes, never once does he sound "preachy." It is the story of a teenaged adventurer who learns about himself, and the power of words, in a new land that he discovers. This is a book that I wish was translated in Japanese for my students. The issues are self-confidence, self-esteem and self-mastery, with sub themes of honesty, trust and companionship. Geez (hope I can write that, Steve), these are exactly the same things we work on at I CAN, the free school I work at. As important as the themes, though, is that the story is just a good read, exciting at the right times, moving, full of good teenage dialogue, well-described and also fun. Though I started the book because it was my buddy's first book, I finished it because I really wanted to find out what happened to Cael and his crew.

2. The second learning point is how Steve told me he wrote the manuscript. How? With discipline. A schedule that he stuck to without fail. I hope it will be OK with Steve if I quote from his email:

"I began in June, 2004 by reading extensively in that genre, taking notes on various fiction styles, and developing characters. I would say I spent about three months on that part. Then in September I began going to the library a couple of times a week to design a story outline. It was probably a sermon writing hazard, but I wanted to know where the story was going before I jumped in. The original layout was 22 chapters with 10-12 "key idea" bullet points for each.

"The key for my writing was just consistency. Along the way I added a couple of chapters, bringing the final book to 25 chapters. And although I took a couple of weeks off from writing fatigue, I managed to finish the rough draft at the end of June -- a little over a year from when I started."

See what you can do in a year?
Steve did not "manifest" his book, or dream about writing it someday (that's my department). What he did and what makes him successful in this project is that he DID THE WORK.

What a novel idea.

Peter Payne, from San Diego to Japan

2007-04-14T18:56:00.000+09:00

There is a company that I have been watching here in Japan since before this blog even started. A guy in Gunma, the neighboring prefecture to Niigata, has set up an import/export business of all things Japanese. And in the last year or so, it looks like he has expanded his business to include wholesaling.

With a quick look at his site at J-List! which includes adult-themed goods or J-Box, which is strictly PG, you can order from America (or anywhere -- this is the internet!) T-shirts and study aids, Pocky and Black Black gum and even bikini model photo books.

This is a business that I would have like to have started myself. Someday, I suppose I might meet Mr. Peter Payne, and compare notes between Seal Beach and San Diego, Niigata and Gumna, our respective Japanese wives, and the like. Kind of interesting, and worth a check if you are interested in some wacky (for lack of a better word) Japanese products.

"Favorite Sakura Festival Food"

2007-04-13T14:09:00.000+09:00

The cherry blossoms are in full bloom in Takada, in the southern part of Niigata prefecture, where I live and work. Two years ago my mother and sister came in April, hoping to catch "full bloom" but had to leave a few days before the flowers opened. This year, there was quite a stir caused in Japan because the incredibly mild winter (see Inconvenient Truth) was wreaking havoc on the national cherry blossom bloom predictions.

But this week, as you can see, is beautiful. Rows upon rows of cherry blossom trees that remind me of pink popcorn or cotton candy. At least the cotton candy (candy floss for Brits, 'Tralians and Kiwis) can be had at the food stalls that are just as important (or moreso) than the flowers themselves. The Japanese have a saying, "Hana yori Dango," literally, "Dumplings rather than Flowers," which shows the preference for eating and drinking at the festival. Actually, some think the cherry blossoms are merely an(other) excuse for loosen-the-tie eating and drinking to excess.

When I took the Day Program members of Free School I CAN to the park, we were all having a wonderful time until a well intentioned (?) grandmother came up and started interrogating us as to why we weren't "In School." While I patiently explained that we were members of an alternative school, she literally could not understand what that might be, and walked off muttering something about "compulsory education."

In Japan, compulsory education is mandatory until the age of 15 (vs. 18 in the US, at least in California). However, for those kids who can't or choose not to go to "regular" school, there are few options. Homeschooling is just getting started here. Free schools are seen as playhouses for selfish kids who "can't cope."

Our mission at I CAN is to give kids a safe, fun, friendly environment for kids to learn some of those coping skills. Whether they choose to apply them at school or not is not as important as the fact that they are growing into confident, happy kids, who look forward to getting up in the morning!

Freeschool Seminar + Charles Burke = Breakthrough?

2007-03-08T07:52:00.000+09:00

I went to Tokyo for the National Freeschool Management seminar in February, hosted by Okuchi Keiko and her staff at Tokyo Shure. It was THE conference I had been waiting 10 years or so to attend.

One of the messages that came through loud and clear was that, while at regular schools, students are graded on what they can DO, free schools focus simply on BE-ing. In Japanese, that is "SURU" yori "IRU". Being rather than doing.

So how does I CAN fit into all this? With a name like I CAN, we certainly have SOME emphasis on DOING. I believe that the human body is made for movement. We gain in confidence by succeeding, eventually, in DOING what we set out to do. That is efficacy, and is also closely tied to self esteem.

Then, on a call with my friend and mentor Charles Burke, he said something similar. He said, (paraphrasing) "so many things we learn how to do are merely techniques (things to DO). We can learn the techniques of time management, or money management, or communication techniques and DO them. But not much of that sticks until we change who we ARE.

Hmm. Be and Do. Do and Be. I am reminded of the old joke:

Socrates: To Be is to Do
Plato: To Do is to Be
Sinatra: Do-be-do-be-dooo

Junior High school jokes aside, I think there is something to be learned here.
Maybe Free Schools do the "Inside work" that prepare kids and young adults for the Doing of school and work and society at large...?

Something like that? Comments please.

By the way, Freeschool network's page is here:
www.freeschoolnetwork.jp　　(in Japanese）
Tokyo Shure's page is here:
http://www.shure.or.jp　　(some　English）
and Charles Burke's blog is here:
http://www.bullseye-living.com

Just 360 or so days ago...

2006-12-28T21:46:00.000+09:00

Just 360 or so days ago I started this blog with an article about resolutions and goal-setting.

One year later, it's time to take stock, and see how we did.

I have got in the habit with the kids at the free school to review and make a list of the biggest PERSONAL news stories of the past year. Younger kids seem to write all ten entries from last weekend. Anything further back is just distant past.

Most people seem to come up with 5 or 6 events, but I've found the real reflection happens with entries 7, 8, 9 and 10. What really happened last year?

For me, and now with a family of 4 I say, "us," it was a year of being pregnant. After spending New Years in Las Vegas, we learned early in the year that Emiko was pregnant. That news colored the rest of the year, obviously...

Aside from getting some administrative things done (permanent residence permit: Japan's Green Card) and staying close to home, I also started being coached, took a trip to the Philippines, was visited by mom (she came bearing diapers) and of course, celebrated the birth of Elinor Cullen Stratton on September 16th.

While bringing new life into the world certainly "counts," there were other goals that didn't get met.

Discussing that with my "coach," I was advised that there are some mechanical goals that just take grit and hard work, others were more "open" and could be met in unexpected ways by the universe, ala Law of Attraction. For instance, if I am working on an audio project, it will take some recording and editing. But asking the question, "How ELSE might this work?" opens us up to new solutions and ways of "getting things done."

I include here a picture of my still new family, which gives me more pride and happiness than I've ever known.

Law of Attraction and Letting Go

2006-07-27T23:05:00.000+09:00

Just want to give you an interesting story about "letting go" of results.

As you may know I had been working on getting kids to come on a study exchange trip to the Philippines this summer.

With that and another camp to organize, I had been feeling some strain from trying to recruit participants.

I felt the peak of my frustration when I asked my morning elementary boys, "Are you ready for the camp?" and they said, "What camp?" or at best, "dunno yet."

Well, obviously they were not as commited to the project as I was.

The Philippine group is a bit older, but no less non-commital.
Me: "So, have you decided if you're going to go?"
Them: "Not yet."
Repeat above conversation daily for 14 days.
Me: "What information do you need to help you decide?"
Them: "Dunno."

Well, I finally got sick of pulling them where they didn't want to go, so I just "released" it.

It was up to them, about the camp, and about the Philippines. I had "promoted" all I could, and the ball was in their court.

However, for the Philippine trip I wrote as a To Do List Topper: "The five members for the Philippine trip have been decided, and I am relieved and excited."

Then I just let it go. I admit there was a bit of "Screw 'em" sentiment when I un-invested from the outcome, but it was a conscious removing of energy from the result.

SO, the first thing that happened was that I felt a LOT better, immediately!
Lighter, kind of, but with a sense of anticipation, like that there-is-something- good-waiting-in-the-mail kind of feeling.

For the first time in two weeks the bounce in my step returned, and I mean, THAT day.

Then I got a phone call from an old student, who said she wanted to come on the trip. I had invited her days before, just on an inkling.

The other boys started to show some initiative and decision-making
ability to actually commit to going or not going.

So three days later, we ARE going to the Philippines next month, and though one boy is still negotiating with his father, we got enough members (five counting me) to make the trip feasible.

The camp in the mountains was cancelled, but we all seemed the better for it.
The younger boys don't feel "pressured," to do something they are not really sure about, and I have an extra weekend to polish that grant application!

It really does seem that things work out for the best.

And I think I am starting to get this "letting go" business.

The Most Important Thing to do Right Now

2006-03-03T15:06:00.000+09:00

I thought my readers (mom?) might get something out of this article
from another guy named Charlie, who lives in Japan. That's the name
of the blog, anyway....

Though I haven't met this Charlie, or even know if he goes by Charles,
his submission struck a chord as I was racing around in my car,
hurried, not having enough family time, just trying to check things
off on my 'TO DO' list.

Maybe some of the most important TO DO's can't be checked off on a list.
Enjoy.
________________

Do you have the feeling you're fully appreciating your life RIGHT
NOW, or are you somehow failing to treasure the richness of all
you have in the moment? Living a life of gratitude is a challenge
that I think most all of us face.

Three years ago the eight year old daughter of a friend died in a
freak accident at school. My friend was devastated and I could
not think of any wise words that might console him.

As the weeks rolled by my friend slipped into an ever deeper
sense of despair, and nothing anyone said seemed to lift his
spirit.

After a few months time he went out of town on a business trip,
and on the train ride back home he engaged in a conversation with
the woman sitting next to him. The woman sat there and nodded her
head often as my friend talked about the death of his daughter.
He reported to me that he had the sense of talking and talking
and talking, until he finally felt like he had nothing more to
say.

As my friend came to a natural state of rest, the woman nodded
her head one more time as she took a deep breath, and then said
the following,

"I can very much feel your pain, and I understand that the loss
of your child must be devastating."

"At the same time," she said, "I wonder if your pain would not be
lessened if you celebrated the life of your daughter."

"You told me about your daughter's sense of awe the first time
you took her to the ocean, and how you carried her in your arms
as you waded out into the water."

"You also spoke about the many times she sat on your lap and told
you about the magical adventures she had during the course of her
day."

"Perhaps the sweetest story you shared was how you told your
daughter every night how much you loved her as you tucked her
into bed."

"I am wondering," the woman said, "What is it that leads you to
believe that you and your daughter did not live a glorious
fulfilling life together?"

"Is it because she died at eight years old and not at eighty?
Certainly it would seem that the quality of one's life is not
tied to the length of one's life."

"I would suggest that you and your daughter did perhaps live a
full and complete life together. She just didn't live as long as
you had hoped for and expected."

As the train neared the station the woman continued speaking.

"I am fifty two years old, and in looking back on my life I don't
feel I have shared with anyone, the depth of experience and love
you and your daughter had together."

"On one hand this makes me deeply sad. On the other hand, it
helps me to realize that with the time I have left, I can indeed
strive to live a complete and fulfilling life."

"This is the realization that your experience has helped me to
understand, and for this wonderful gift I thank you deeply."

The woman smiled as she stood up, preparing to exit the train.

"None of us know how long we have to live. We don't seem to have
all that much control over the length of our life."

"The quality of our life on the other hand, we can indeed ensure
on a daily basis. It is never too soon to begin to enjoy and
fully appreciate the life we do have, right here and now."

To the readers of this article I gently suggest you consider how
you want to live your life, in order to ensure that your time on
earth is fulfilling and complete.

(c) Charlie Badenhop,
2006.

About the author:

Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. Benefit from Charlie's thought-provoking ideas and various self help and self hypnosis practices by subscribing to his complimentary newsletter "Pure Heart, Simple Mind" at http://www.seishindo.org/

Top 10 Ways How to Improve your English (from my students)

2006-02-18T13:21:00.000+09:00

I promised English learning tips on this blog, so here goes:
Actually, this is a list compiled by two of my star students (who have since retired to get ready for their college entrance exams!) Isn't it ironic and sad that studying EIKAIWA or English conversation is seen as mutually exclusive from doing well on your tests? Sigh!##

Anyway, here's the list, which I thought was pretty darn good:

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your English (in no particular order)

--Check unknown words in the dictionary and mark them

--Listen to CDs to check correct pronunciatioin

--Watch foreign movies in English like Star Wars (Friday, Saturday on Japanese TV)

--Be interested in the culture of English-speaking countries

--Take English proficiency tests (the STEP test) to motivate yourself

--Have friends who also study English (you can share knowledge)

--Go to English conversation classes (like Able, in Joetsu, Niigata)

--Write English sentences and have them checked by your English teacher, and get a penpal

--Talk to the ALT (Assistant {Native} Language Teacher) at school -- it's free!

If anyone would like to add to this list, please do!
Also, thanks to Tomohiro and Ken for this EXCELLENT list. Good luck on your exams!

(I also teach at ABLE English Conversation Club. Our website is:

http://www.able-speak.jp/

check out the games corner for kids, even if you're a native speaker!)

Where did all the resolutions go?

2006-01-28T18:25:00.000+09:00

Just one month into the new year, and if you're like me, you probably are not yet one-twelfth of the way through with achieving your goals for 2006. In fact, I wonder how many 'resolutions' are still standing on January 31st?

I've read it and you've read it I'm sure. The key to any long-term or grand scale goal achieving is moving ahead in small, consistent increments. The Japanese call that ﾒKaizenﾓ.

There is also a wonderful Japanese expression for the ﾒfast-out-of-the- starting-blocks-but-no-finishﾓ style of action which describes so many of our self-improvement efforts: ﾒMikka Bouzu.ﾓ This literally means ﾒThree day skinhead,ﾓ but really refers to the hairstyle (not-hair style?) of temple monks. I imagine many a repentant person has knocked on the temple gates with burning enthusiasm, just to see that feeling fade in less than a week.

I suppose it is a commentary on those well-intentioned souls (all of us?) whose best intentions last but a few days. My Ab-flex (remember those?) went from being used (for about three days, exactly) to a rack to dry clothes on in less than a month. I was happy to finally give it away to a friend, I believe at around New Year's resolution time. I wonder if he is drying towls on it yet, or tried to sell it on ebay.

The point is that it is very easy to let yourself go back to your old, unhelpful habits. How do you stay on track? Here are my top five suggestions:

・Keep your goals where you can see them! (We all know this, butﾉ)
・Tell people about what you are trying to do (if you choose carefully, those around you can be your best supporters)
・Get a 'goals coach' or accountability coach to help you stay honest
・Send yourself emails to get yourself fired up. (You don't need any fancy autoresponder, just schedule your email delivery for the future)
・Small steps, small rewards (again, we know this, right?) Finishing a small goal on the way to a bigger one can keep us motivated. You know the best way to eat an elephant, don't you? One bite at a time!

The Responsibility of Gratitude

2006-01-17T14:33:00.000+09:00

My wife, son and I just returned from a Christmas and New Years trip to California and Nevada. In addition to it being the first time to visit the US for our one-year-old, Yuto, it was also a big challenge for my wife's parents and brother, who also accompanied us.

I have led many homestays to the US and New Zealand over the years, but this was one of the more challenging. I was determined that my wife's parents had a good time-a great time-as it was the first time out of Japan for my mother-in-law, and she had all the images of pistol carrying subway-riding thugs that we have all seen on the news.

Well, lo and behold, the trip was a great success! Everyone had a great time, learned a lot, and not least importantly, returned home safely.

As my wife and I prepared for our return to Japan, she started getting nervous about all the shopping she had yet to do. Now, for me, Christmas was over, and with it, my shopping commitments for the next 11 months. Emiko, however, had at least another Christmas list worth of gifts to buy: that wonderful and strange Japanese custom of ﾒOmiageﾓ [oh-mee-yah-gey], or souvenir-giving, was rearing its ugly head.

When we in America take a trip, we send a picture postcard to those at home, ﾒWish you were here,ﾓ a Jackalope or some scantily clad beach bunnies or something for the boys at home.

In Japan, its gifts, gifts, and more gifts! The system is such that you can even order your Hawaiian macadamia nuts to give to your friends and relatives at the departure airport, so your souvenir shopping can be finished before you even depart on your trip!

Needless to say, I was stunned and even angered to see my wife spending our vacation budget on t-shirts for the neighbors! After all, we WERE in Las Vegas and the casinos were calling!

To make a long story just as long, the two of us returned to Japan with 9 suitcases and a baby. I was still miffed until we saw the worst snow in 20 years on our doorstep in Niigata.

The neighbors, bless them, had shoveled our car out from under almost two meters of snow. On the next day, my car got stuck and I got locked out of our classroom. Again, people came to the rescue. When the refrigerator in the classroom broke, a friend offered her old one to replace it. Again, thank you!

It was at about this time that I began to ask Emiko: ﾒUm, did we get them anything from America?ﾓ Her reply was a well-deserved ﾒI told you so!ﾓ

In Japan, where gifts are sometimes used to grease social relationships, I felt a faint glimmer of understanding. No, a postcard simply would not do for these people who dug out our two cars, found replacement keys and donated kitchen appliances.

The Japanese is, ﾒO sewa sama desu!ﾓ or, ﾒThank you for taking care of us!ﾓ I somehow the Vegas ballcaps don't quite express it adequately either, but I can see now why the custom of omiyage giving will not quickly disappear from these shores.

2006: The year to come?!

2006-01-09T12:51:00.000+09:00

Here in Japan (and elsewhere, I’m sure) they have a tradition of listing the 10 biggest news events at the end of each year. At the school where I work, we all spend some time at the year-end party (or in Japanese: Bo-nen-kai: lit, forget-the-year party) not forgetting, but remembering those events which impacted us over the entire year. This is not a ‘best 10’ list, as the events may be either good or bad.

With younger kids, most of the events listed are within the last 2 or three months. That is to say, if we do the exercise in December, they may list the Halloween party of October but are likely to forget the ski trip at the beginning of the year.

It is times like these when a journal or diary comes in handy!

When the kids look over the event calendars of the last year, they really get a sense of all they have accomplished and enjoyed—or even overcome—during the past year.

Two years ago, as a journaling technique, I started to write my ’10 biggest news events’ for each DAY. It seems that if reflection is good once a year, 300 times that amount of reflection could lead to some pretty good insights.

As many resolutions do, my experiment did not last past January. But it occurs to me that if we woke up and wrote 10 goals every morning, then reflected and recorded the 10 biggest happenings of each day, we could really make some daily progress not only in achieving our goals, but also in reflecting on the events that happen to us, how we respond to them, and even more importantly, the events that we cause to occur.

Here is my challenge: Try it for one week. When you wake up: look over your yearly goals and then make daily ‘things to do’ from that. As you turn in for the night, list (on a datebook, for example, or in a diary) the 10 biggest things that happened to you today.

If you find yourself struggling to find 10 (you will), persevere. One of the best things about the ‘Rule of 10’ is that you will also start to appreciate the smaller ‘big events’ in your life. So, if number 8 on your list for January 10th is “ate a delicious dinner” so be it! Those are the small ‘big events’ that make up a life.

--For another perspective on year-end reflecting, as well as year-start goal- setting, see my friend Charles Burke’s sizzling edge blog for December and January at http://sizzling-edge.blogspot.com