The Day after Mother's Day: A word for Dads:

In most families, and especially here in Japan, child-rearing duties fall to the mother in the household. Watching my wife deal with managing a household—cooking, washing clothes daily, packing school lunches and communicating with teachers,--I’d say she has one of the busiest, hardest jobs in the world (though arguably one of the most rewarding). Add to this that some women, on top of all that, work during the day, and I feel almost in awe of working moms.

We men have our jobs, too, and they can be tiring. I imagine thousands of Japanese salarymen dragging themselves home after ten or so hours at the office, exhausted, hungry, and perhaps with a little work-related stress brought home for good measure.

Meishi! Furou! Neru! (Dinner! Bath! Sleep!) is not a real good basis for conjugal communication, but to say that I didn’t have nights when that’s all I wanted would be less than honest.

So what’s a father to do with his kids? Even moreso, what can the father be doing if one of his children is not going to school?

The easiest thing to do ( and what I see most often) is the blame game. I’m out all day earning money for this family! Couldn’t you at least get the kids to school?”

Blaming your wife is certainly no way to address the issue of futoko-ism. Neither is blaming the school, teachers, or your child him or herself.
The first thing you can do is to support your wife. She and you are in this together, and she needs your support (and you will need hers) as you tackle some of the challenges you will face being a “futoko parent.”

Now, being the parent of a futoko kid may not be as glamourous as being the parent of a golf pro or a t.v. personality, but it can be just as rewarding. And here is a promise: during your child’s futoko period, whether is last for days, weeks, months or years, if you stay in the game, don’t give up, and get support, you have the opportunity to learn more about your children, your spouse, your family and yourself than you ever thought possible.

The easiest and least effective route for the father to take is just to opt out. Deny there is a problem or leave it to mom and the teachers to sort out.

In my 15 years of meeting school refusal kids and their parents in japan, I can say that one of the common factors I often see is the absense (physical or emotional) of a father figure. Often times the mother is single, the father is no longer present…..


;;;

Creativity in the Classroom: Beautiful!

Here is a guy from England who gets it almost perfectly right.
His bit about "kids are being taught that being "wrong" is the worst thing that could happen"
speaks directly to the Japanese school system.

I'm going to watch this a few times, and I invite you to, too. (about 20 min, WELL WORTH IT!)

GUNDAM OO

I am sitting here tonight in our classroom, as 10 of our members attempt an “all nighter” of television gaming.

I hate almost everything about “Terebi geimu” as they are called here, but on this one day, on our “Bou nen kai” (lit: forget the year party) I let them game until their eyes fall out.

They live at home surrounded by parents always telling them to shut it off.

Tonight, they can game until they really feel “full,” game until they are satiated, play until they themselves decide to stop.

I’m not sure it’s educational, but while it is fun, they eventually get a taste of “too much of a good thing,” and hopefully learn about setting good limits for themselves in terms of personal care.

In the meantime, behind me on the TV, battles rage on…

Boiling Blood

In today's English class we were talking about figurative language, and one of the expressions was "blood is boiling." When I asked for someone to try to use this new phrase, everyone was at a loss, so I had to come up with something.

Then I remembered last Thursday. At the bank.

Japanese banks are not known for their speed. As a matter of fact, there isn't really a less-customer-friendly institution here, except maybe the haughty, holier-than-thou, former-monopoly travel agent JTB.

But today's gripe is about banks.

I don't really like to complain, especially on this blog, which tries to be postive. But maybe as a starting off point for "exploring cultural differences" it might be educational.

Firstly, banks offer the astouding interest rate on savings accounts of about 0.01 PERCENT, meaning depositing a 10,000 yen note would yeild a whopping one yen after a year. One one-hundreth of a cent for a $100 deposit.

To be fair, loan rates are low. My car loan is about 3%. But that is 300 times more than the interest I could get by keeping my money there.

Anyway, I went to the bank (A bank, which shall remain nameless, but contains in its name a number between three and five...)

I went to the ~~bank to open an account to receive donations from I CAN. I had our "Hanko," which is the stamp or seal which works pretty much like a signature here.

It took about 10 minutes for them to explain how hard it would be to open a new account that had a different name from the account that was already on file.

Really? I didn't know a one person per account rule existed.

Finally, we aggreed to open an account with a parenthesis after the account name, saying "donations." That only took 15 minutes.

Then the clock started ticking.

10 minutes
...15
.......20
Would I like a cash machine card? No, not needed.
................30 minutes
...........................40
Mind you, this was to open an account with 100 yen (about a buck)
....................................45 minutes
..............................................50 minutes

Finally, after about almost an hour, being the only customer in the bank with a staff of about 20, I got my little passbook. The bank lady said,
"Omataseshimashita" ("Thanks for waiting") and I walked out, wondering what in the &)%&'!! would take so long.

My good friend Simon from New Zealand said, "I always just hoped there was so much more money 'in the system' that it took longer for things to run their course."

Simon gets kudos for positive thinking but unless the passbook is being hand engraved with golden lettering, I don't see why this has to be.

And the Japanese who live here are just compliant, used to it, and never realize that when a company has to send someone out for half a day "ginkko mawari" (Making the bank rounds) that time could probably be better spent at the company.

Does anyone know why Japanese banks are like this? Any other horror stories?

Later that day I was further encouraged by my dealings with the POWERS at City Hall.

Asking "Could I bring my poster for the event tomorrow instead of today?" sent me on a phone tag game that lasted again for 20 minutes.

NOT ONE person would tell me if this was "within the rules" or not. Finally, when I reached "the man in charge," when I asked what time the event started, he had to put me on hold again to ask (a superior?).

Sometimes I am amazed this country works as well as it does.

Comments? Reactions?

A dying breed?

A friend wrote last week to recommend the new book
Yakuza Moon: Memoirs of a Gangster's Daughter, by former gangster daughter Shoko Tendo. The article posted on Reuters, here, says it all.

The Yakuza are a mixed lot, at times praised for their Samurai values of loyalty and honor, while on the otherhand dealing in violence, drugs, prostitution and other not-so-savory trades.

Though the numbers of gang members seem to be declining (not sure how they are counted...a Yakuza census?) those who remain in the lifestyle seem to becoming harder-core criminals.

Once of the most interesting parts of the Reuters article was this bit, with the ramifications of globalization and its implied implications for English teaching:

"As the world becomes more borderless, they'll need experts who can deal with this too, speaking Chinese and English."the world becomes more borderless, they'll need experts who can deal with this too, speaking Chinese and English."

Maybe some entreprenureal spirit could tap this niche, with a tattoo/English salon, or a new classes at the neighborhood Eikaiwa school: "Fuggedaboutit: How to Speak like a Mobster." Or "Illegal contracts and customer service" although that niche may already be adequately covered by our friends at NOVA.

While I haven't read Ms. Tendo's book yet, I plan to. Not only is she beautiful (if that really is her on the cover), I imagine she has had a few tales to tell, and a few insights even into the future of her country. An excellent chance to see "the underside" of an already sometimes-hard-to-fathom society. In hardcover now, below.

What if we gave a party and no body showed up?

This is kind of what's happening at work lately.

I admit that my enthusiasm for planning events at our Free School, I CAN, has, well, been curbed somewhat in the preceding months.

When I announce, "Let's plant a vegetable garden!"
I hear, "How long will THAT take?"

When I prepare an adventure-based field trip, "Let's go rafting in Gunma!"
I get, "Not interested."

So I try to turn the tables: "So, what do YOU guys want to do??"
"Whatever."

It is sometimes hard to stay motivated when your surrounding environment is so, well, unmotivated.

Here are some thoughts: Maybe I should just LET the freeschoolers have their relax time. Don't pressure them to do the things that I think are good for them. Like I tell the parents: You don't have to hold expectations.

The question that has been with me since I CAN started is this: How much of a "kick in the ass" is good for kids, and how much is too much?

Okuchi Keiko and the Tokyo Shure gang seem to think that kids programs should be 100% kid-centered, with no adult curriculum set, no expectations, no pressure.

While this appeals to the lazy side of myself, I am not sure kids do their best with NO expectations.

This topic needs more thought and more discussion. Feel free to comment.

Charlie.

When the Earth Quakes...

Man, that was a big one!

Growing up in California got me kind of used to earthquakes. I was in San Francisco in '89, walking home in the weird, electicity-less twilight.

Almost 20 years later and patterns repeat, the earth still moves. This time, right under the largest nuclear reactor in Japan. While the TV cameras showed the black smoke billowing from the nuclear energy plant, the on air announcer assured us that the media had been assured that there was no unseemly damage.

More than a week later, and inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency (I think) have had their inspections delayed because the damage is unexpectedly bad. Kudos to the government of Niigata, though, for shutting them down. Should get interesting in August, when energy demands skyrocket.

Immediate fallout? Well, figuratively speaking, I had a beach barbeque cancelled because the managers of the participating free school thought their may be some radioactive waste flowing into the ocean water.

Radioactive, human, industrial. The beaches here don't discriminate on waste.

Have a great summer!

How to be a Man...

After the sick-scares of May, June turned into a good month. Emiko and I just got back from taking our daughter, Elinor to the American Embassy in Tokyo to get her registered as a US citizen. In 3-4 weeks her passport and Social Security number should come. Congratulations, Eli!

While poking around on Amazon today, I found a great book! Part "I CAN manual" and part "Boy Scout Handbook," The Dangerous Book for Boys covers all the essential skills for being a boy: paper airplane making, go-cart building, bow and arrow making, as well as adventure stories about Shakleton and Perry, Edmund Hillary and the like. There is an American and a British version, and the crafty stuff kind of reminds me of the Japanese best selling series of a few years ago called Asobi Zukan (Play Guide) which had rules and diagrams for how to play sumo, make bamboo skates, sketches of common insects, how to pitch a tent, how to make a teru-teru bozu, and how to use a ken-dama. The "Zukan" is written in Japanese, but it has enough drawings and diagrams to make it nearly bilingual.

Apparently there is a debate (possibly manufactured?) about the political correctness of "A Dangerous book for Boys" I expect to be giving this to some father friends of mine. I say, turn of the Playstation and Go Outside! Even in the rainy season, there is more to be learned in a walk around the block than clearing another level of Dragon Quest. Check out the Amazon interview with co-author Conn Iggulden, who seems to hit it right on.

"Boys Be Ambitious" as William Clark famously said to the young men of what is now Hokkaido University, always had kind of a sexist ring to my ears, but I don't find anything to argue about with "Boys be Strong" or "Boys Be Adventurous" or "Boys Take Risks!" Of course, my argument about Clark's phrase was that it excluded girls. What, girls don't be ambitious, stay home and do the laundry? Yes, Girls Be Strong, Girls Be Adventurous, Girls Take Risks. Just watch the risky behavior. Hmm, am I falling into a quagmire of sexist debate? Of course I want freshly Americanized Elinor-chan to be strong and be adventurous, but I feel better about her brother taking on more risk.

Risk management in Japan is another topic for another post, but books like "Dangerous" and Asobi Zukan can give young or future men a good foundation in what it is to be...what it can be to be... a guy, and feel just fine about it.

Peter Payne, from San Diego to Japan

There is a company that I have been watching here in Japan since before this blog even started. A guy in Gunma, the neighboring prefecture to Niigata, has set up an import/export business of all things Japanese. And in the last year or so, it looks like he has expanded his business to include wholesaling.

With a quick look at his site at J-List! which includes adult-themed goods or J-Box, which is strictly PG, you can order from America (or anywhere -- this is the internet!) T-shirts and study aids, Pocky and Black Black gum and even bikini model photo books.

This is a business that I would have like to have started myself. Someday, I suppose I might meet Mr. Peter Payne, and compare notes between Seal Beach and San Diego, Niigata and Gumna, our respective Japanese wives, and the like. Kind of interesting, and worth a check if you are interested in some wacky (for lack of a better word) Japanese products.