Best 10 News, everyday for a month: a new way of journaling

In December, I have all the kids at I CAN write their 10 biggest news events for the past year. Personal events, like passing an important test, taking a trip, or meeting someone new. And I have often said that it would be an interesting experiment to write the best 10 events for every day rather than yearly.

The point? Well, it is related to gratitude, journaling and reflection. I am hoping that by making a commitment to writing 10 best things everyday, my appreciation for each event will increase (”a delicious dinner by Emiko,” “A great conversation with the man at the bank,”)

Part of the exercise is to stop to remember the good parts of every day. Even the little ones.

Here goes:

1 Beautiful, crystal clear blue-sky morning

2 soccer and laughter at I CAN

3 some good “management communication” with Abe, telling him how his negotiations with the horses-NPO might have gone better

4 choosing “variety salad” from the supermarket instead of “chicken wraps” from KFC

5 Watching the acceptance speech of Barak Obama

6 A good dinner at home, Yuto, Eli, Emiko and me sharing at the dinner table

7 When Yuto said, “I wanna help you, Daddy.”

8 Conversation with Mizuho’s mom and finalization of I CAN membership sign-up

9 Yurie’s payment of yearly dues

10 Laughter about Emiko’s and my poor use of each other’s language.

How to Get Smarter While Feeding the Hungry

Here is a fun test that also helps people.

If you go to www.freerice.com you will get a vocabulary test.

It ain't easy, and with each correct answer, the next question gets harder.

And here is the kicker: with each correct answer, the site will donate 10 grains of rice to fight world hunger.

Well, when you start playing you see the genius of the idea. The vocabulary test is kind of addictive, and the rice keeps piling up. When you miss, rice isn't taken away. It's not gambling!

Give it a try. Build your vocabulary, and fight world hunger. Hard to find a better side benefit to study and self-improvement!

HAPPYNESS??

I just saw the semi-new Will Smith movie called, The Persuit of Happyness. I think the Japanese title was "Shiawase no Chikara" or "the Power of Happiness.”
After "I, Robot" and "Hitch," juuust little by little and step by step I am becoming able to watch a movie starring the Fresh Prince of Beverly Hills. I never thought I would say those words.

Anyway, Fresh's son is really a cute kid, as most reviews of the movie will tell you. I guess we are supposed to be rooting for this guy going for his Merril Lynch job, but it is certainly not the most altruistic of dreams. While he was pursuing his version of "Happyness," his son was at a rather questionable Chinatown daycare center watching episodes of the Love Boat.

While I was in tune with the "never give up" message of the movie, my friend Simon, who is always good for a reality check, said that the main character was completely irresponsible. Taking his kid into the subway station restroom to spend the night was supposed to show, I suppose, how desperate he had become, and how commited he was to finish his internship at Merril Lynch. According to friend Simon, he was just being an irresponsible dad.

I guess it is easier to make sacrifices for our dreams when it is only us who is affected by our decisions (successes or failures) Once you have a family, Simon reminded me, your pursuit of Happyness has to take a back seat to insuring the safety and well-being of your kids.

The real villian in the story was the wife/mother, who just skipped out on her family because, as she said, she didn't feel "Happy."

Worth a rental, to see Will Smith's cute son and scenes of San Francisco.

What if we gave a party and no body showed up?

This is kind of what's happening at work lately.

I admit that my enthusiasm for planning events at our Free School, I CAN, has, well, been curbed somewhat in the preceding months.

When I announce, "Let's plant a vegetable garden!"
I hear, "How long will THAT take?"

When I prepare an adventure-based field trip, "Let's go rafting in Gunma!"
I get, "Not interested."

So I try to turn the tables: "So, what do YOU guys want to do??"
"Whatever."

It is sometimes hard to stay motivated when your surrounding environment is so, well, unmotivated.

Here are some thoughts: Maybe I should just LET the freeschoolers have their relax time. Don't pressure them to do the things that I think are good for them. Like I tell the parents: You don't have to hold expectations.

The question that has been with me since I CAN started is this: How much of a "kick in the ass" is good for kids, and how much is too much?

Okuchi Keiko and the Tokyo Shure gang seem to think that kids programs should be 100% kid-centered, with no adult curriculum set, no expectations, no pressure.

While this appeals to the lazy side of myself, I am not sure kids do their best with NO expectations.

This topic needs more thought and more discussion. Feel free to comment.

Charlie.

A hero talks about kids

My job in Japan is working at I CAN, which is a non-profit Free School which offers a place of caring and socialization for kids who are not in traditional schools. Here, Deepak Chopra tells about what kids need and want, and how adults can improve their relationships with kids.

Tasting Fear

The month of May in Japan is known for its doldrums and emotional blahs. There is even a term, "Gogatsu Byo" (lit. May disease) which describes this phenomenon. While merely anecdotal, it seems that May is a tough time for a lot of people: The new school/work year is now in full swing. After the extended (by Japanese standards) holidays of Golden Week at the beginning of the month, the rest is just a letdown. The cherries have dropped their blossoms, nothing but rainy season to look forward to...

For me, May was hell.

At the end of last year I was asked to schedule a follow-up exam to check on the shadow in my left lung. "90% there's nothing wrong, but we should check it to be on the safe side." That and dental check ups. I tend to let those slide, too.

When my dad had an operation for lung cancer 6 weeks ago, I remembered the physical that I had never re-taken. So I took time from work, went to the giant hospitalfactory in town, and had another x-ray taken of my chest. Not the greatest way to spend a morning, but certainly not painful. The doctor asked, "did you have a cold when you had your first x-ray last year?" and I answered negatively. Hmmm, he said, let's take a look at the new pictures.

My mood darkened considerably when he said that yes, indeed, there was something there in the lung. I used to smoke about 3 cigarettes a day for a while, trying my hardest to act like a Japanese. I quit 3 years ago when Emiko got pregnant. So what were those spots?

"Well," said doctor X, "let's schedule a CT scan and take a closer look."

A CT scan? A CAT-scan, right? That's for really sick people! Shit, I thought, this is suddenly very serious. He wanted to schedule the CT scan for the 1st of May, in the middle of Golden Week, but I said no thank you. Vacation and all.

Little did I know how the upcomming test would color the days ahead... Being a good student of Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking, I gave my brain instructions to heal me every night. My mind starting down on a morbid, fearful ride that I didn't want to be on. Moody and Morose.

I told my wife, and decided against telling my own parents. I looked at my kids, Yuto and Eli, with a new kind of urgent love. Suddenly I realized, probably late, at age 43, that my tomorrows were not endless. Heck, this could be the end.

In the meantime, people started telling me I was losing weight. While Japanese people are prone to greet each other with, "Hey, you got fat!" Suddenly their observation that I was getting thin took on a new, cancerous meaning. I was also getting a cold, and a cough, so each hack took on the meaning of a death rattle. I was spinning toward panic.

In the middle of May I finally got the CT scan and blood test. And then two more weeks of waiting for the results. More time to brood and fantasize. People at the English school where I help out were commenting that I seemed distracted.

I CAN, our NPO for school refusal kids, turned in financial results almost exactly the same as last year: just a little in the red. Not turning a profit isn't as demoralizing for an NPO, maybe, but seeing the results of a year of new strategies and working style net the exact same results as before was uninspiring, to say the least.

In the meantime, Joe Vitale, of Hypnotic Marketing and The Secret fame wrote of a similar experience in his blog. He found that he had nothing, his cancers were not cancers, but he had been afraid. I took heart from that and intended/imagined a similar benign ending to my test series.

I also got unexpected support from an online friend in a mastermind group I semi-participate in. Susan Minarik, a woman who I "only" know online, showed incredible support and friendship when I was letting my mind get the best of me. She always had just the right message of positivity, realism and daily friendliness exactly in the dose and tone that I needed, just when I needed it.

When the day came to get the results of the CAT scan, my wife Emiko joined me while a friend watched our baby. I was a mess. Walking up and down the hospital corridors waiting for my number to come up (literally and figuratively!) I was completely dependant on the doctor's words. There was nothing now that I could do to help myself. I was either sick, or not.

His next words would either be extremely relieving, or the start of treatments, perhaps an operation, who knows. Death?

"There was something on your X-rays, but the CT scan shows no problems. 'Mondai nai desu ne.'" Never has the Japanese language sounded so beautiful!! Emiko looked at me and said, "I told you so!" and I literally started weeping tears of relief. There was no cancer, no TB, no treatments or quarantines. The sun shone a bit brighter.

I am still reflecting on what there is to be learned from my month of thinking about my own death. I'm not done yet, but it is amazing how quickly I have gone back to my normal day-to-day patterns. Not unhealthful, really, but not quite as intense, either, as it was earlier in the month.

Here are a few of the things to be taken away from all this:

1. Fear sucks. I know about F.E.A.R.: Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. I knew that the energy I was spending worrying was negative and could be better spent. But I couldn't help my self. I DID imagine a healing of myself every night. I DID try to keep positive. But damn, it kept getting away from me.

2. Ask and receive support. You never know who your friends may turn out to be.

3. "I am not my disease." I wonder if I made that up. For example, if we are ill, or disabled, or in some other way not perfect, that in itself doesn't have to be our identity. In moments of clarity I realized that the me who I am is not even my body (although it deserves the best of care as a "vessel" of me.

4. Today, this moment, counts. There are not an unlimited number of tomorrows. Take care with your time.

5. Be Thankful. This is right out of The Secret. Be grateful for everything there already is. Be thankful for the disease or the scare of the disease because it is a learning opportunity.

6. Finally, I added 2 words to my closing signature, which used to be, Be Good, Laugh More.

Be Well, Be Good, Laugh More.
Charlie in Japan

Steve Wrote a Book!!

Well, it finally happened.

My best friend in high school is a published author. I, alas, am not. Yet. And only if you don't count blog publishing.

Steve Martin was, in short, the funniest guy in high school. It probably helped that that OTHER Steve Martin was at the peak of his Saturday NIght Live appearences at that time, but Steve was funny. Still is.

We were originally introduced by a mutual friend through the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I had a D&D stage. We ate Doritos and Dr. Pepper and fought with our imaginary characters of Elves and Dwarves. OK, I had a kind of geeky stage. Possibly still in it.

Anyway, little did I know that Steve was honing his fantasy imagination skills as we were playing. Since graduating from Pepperdine in Malibu, he became a minister involved with young people. Apparently, as a counsellor and swim coach, he learned a lot about kids. The jacket of his book, The Brand Medallion says that he and his wife have 3 sons, and are "living the adventure..." I am sure his sons, the oldest which has graduated high school, have taught him a thing or two, too, as does my 2 year old.

Well, aside from the "High school reunion" aspects of this story, there are two more relevant points.

1. The book itself is great! Although Steve says he wrote about Christian themes, never once does he sound "preachy." It is the story of a teenaged adventurer who learns about himself, and the power of words, in a new land that he discovers. This is a book that I wish was translated in Japanese for my students. The issues are self-confidence, self-esteem and self-mastery, with sub themes of honesty, trust and companionship. Geez (hope I can write that, Steve), these are exactly the same things we work on at I CAN, the free school I work at. As important as the themes, though, is that the story is just a good read, exciting at the right times, moving, full of good teenage dialogue, well-described and also fun. Though I started the book because it was my buddy's first book, I finished it because I really wanted to find out what happened to Cael and his crew.

2. The second learning point is how Steve told me he wrote the manuscript. How? With discipline. A schedule that he stuck to without fail. I hope it will be OK with Steve if I quote from his email:

"I began in June, 2004 by reading extensively in that genre, taking notes on various fiction styles, and developing characters. I would say I spent about three months on that part. Then in September I began going to the library a couple of times a week to design a story outline. It was probably a sermon writing hazard, but I wanted to know where the story was going before I jumped in. The original layout was 22 chapters with 10-12 "key idea" bullet points for each.

"The key for my writing was just consistency. Along the way I added a couple of chapters, bringing the final book to 25 chapters. And although I took a couple of weeks off from writing fatigue, I managed to finish the rough draft at the end of June -- a little over a year from when I started."


See what you can do in a year?
Steve did not "manifest" his book, or dream about writing it someday (that's my department). What he did and what makes him successful in this project is that he DID THE WORK.

What a novel idea.

"Favorite Sakura Festival Food"

The cherry blossoms are in full bloom in Takada, in the southern part of Niigata prefecture, where I live and work. Two years ago my mother and sister came in April, hoping to catch "full bloom" but had to leave a few days before the flowers opened. This year, there was quite a stir caused in Japan because the incredibly mild winter (see Inconvenient Truth) was wreaking havoc on the national cherry blossom bloom predictions.

But this week, as you can see, is beautiful. Rows upon rows of cherry blossom trees that remind me of pink popcorn or cotton candy. At least the cotton candy (candy floss for Brits, 'Tralians and Kiwis) can be had at the food stalls that are just as important (or moreso) than the flowers themselves. The Japanese have a saying, "Hana yori Dango," literally, "Dumplings rather than Flowers," which shows the preference for eating and drinking at the festival. Actually, some think the cherry blossoms are merely an(other) excuse for loosen-the-tie eating and drinking to excess.

When I took the Day Program members of Free School I CAN to the park, we were all having a wonderful time until a well intentioned (?) grandmother came up and started interrogating us as to why we weren't "In School." While I patiently explained that we were members of an alternative school, she literally could not understand what that might be, and walked off muttering something about "compulsory education."

In Japan, compulsory education is mandatory until the age of 15 (vs. 18 in the US, at least in California). However, for those kids who can't or choose not to go to "regular" school, there are few options. Homeschooling is just getting started here. Free schools are seen as playhouses for selfish kids who "can't cope."

Our mission at I CAN is to give kids a safe, fun, friendly environment for kids to learn some of those coping skills. Whether they choose to apply them at school or not is not as important as the fact that they are growing into confident, happy kids, who look forward to getting up in the morning!

Freeschool Seminar + Charles Burke = Breakthrough?

I went to Tokyo for the National Freeschool Management seminar in February, hosted by Okuchi Keiko and her staff at Tokyo Shure. It was THE conference I had been waiting 10 years or so to attend.

One of the messages that came through loud and clear was that, while at regular schools, students are graded on what they can DO, free schools focus simply on BE-ing. In Japanese, that is "SURU" yori "IRU". Being rather than doing.

So how does I CAN fit into all this? With a name like I CAN, we certainly have SOME emphasis on DOING. I believe that the human body is made for movement. We gain in confidence by succeeding, eventually, in DOING what we set out to do. That is efficacy, and is also closely tied to self esteem.

Then, on a call with my friend and mentor Charles Burke, he said something similar. He said, (paraphrasing) "so many things we learn how to do are merely techniques (things to DO). We can learn the techniques of time management, or money management, or communication techniques and DO them. But not much of that sticks until we change who we ARE.

Hmm. Be and Do. Do and Be. I am reminded of the old joke:

Socrates: To Be is to Do
Plato: To Do is to Be
Sinatra: Do-be-do-be-dooo

Junior High school jokes aside, I think there is something to be learned here.
Maybe Free Schools do the "Inside work" that prepare kids and young adults for the Doing of school and work and society at large...?

Something like that? Comments please.

By the way, Freeschool network's page is here:
www.freeschoolnetwork.jp　　(in Japanese）
Tokyo Shure's page is here:
http://www.shure.or.jp　　(some　English）
and Charles Burke's blog is here:
http://www.bullseye-living.com