A hero talks about kids

My job in Japan is working at I CAN, which is a non-profit Free School which offers a place of caring and socialization for kids who are not in traditional schools. Here, Deepak Chopra tells about what kids need and want, and how adults can improve their relationships with kids.

From my new friend Regi, who came up to Noh:

So, I sit here on a seemingly Friday (but its Thursday) afternoon, planning my next trip overseas. One thing I have learnt over the past year is that I earn enough money in this job to take me anywhere I want to go, physically. It just can’t take me there for a long time. Which makes the decision to travel even harder!

This week has kind of come by as a relaxing, and yet totally present-minded week. Last weekend I headed to my favourite village around this area called Nou, which is situated on the coast. The reason I like this area is that it has that coastal feel to it. Relaxed, breezy and great seafood. What brought me to this place was an email off a stranger, suggesting a weekend of ‘yoga, massage, meditation and micro-biotic food’. After talking on the phone about the weekend a couple of times, it was brought to light that no-one else could come, so it was just us two, heading to the seaside village to visit a lady who like yoga and cooking.

Starting off the weekend with ‘meet and greet’, re-discovering that to trust of all people, as opposed to people having to earn your trust, can make all the difference to your perception of others and the perception of yourself by others. I remembered a friend I had, who for one reason or another, always used to say ‘you have to earn my trust’. The worst thing about this is that you never really fully ‘earn’ it as they are always holding you at arms length. Charlie, who has lived in Japan for 17 years and Akai-san who lives in Nou. This is our story (‘This is you Life’… teehee)

I was greeted by Akai-san at her beautiful timbre house which is out of town, alongside the river in a valley surrounded by lush green tree. We enentered her house and she greeted us with a hug; something, which was common in Ausland as a greeting, but I had since forgotten about as it is just not done in Japan. It was an amazing start to the weekend; to feel not just physically welcome in the house, but to be immediately trusted and welcomed as a spirit into someone’s life. The power of the hug!

Following an amazing lunch of salads, soup and brown rice (which apparently is readily available in Japan. Stupid me for believing otherwise and sub sequentially not looking) we headed to do some group yoga and shiatsu (finger-pressure) massaging. All relaxed and sharing deep breathing (it was nice to do yoga with others instead of just in my living room with a TV) we headed off to a local onsen for a soaking before an amazing dinner featuring a WHOLE fresh crab and seafood that I had never had before like Sazae (turban shell?).

A couple of drinks and we three like-minded/spirited people sat and discussed a range of topics, then headed off outside to view fireflies. I had never seen them before and watching them in the rice fields and the tress, with the hot air, reminded me of Christmas time at my grandparents house. It was such a wonderful, child-like feeling, running up and down the road, finding the glint of one, or watching as the jumped around.

Sunday we went on a 4km run and then 4km walk around the village. Being able to run 4km without stopping, made me feel awesome, followed by a BBQ with a friendly bunch of friends of Akai’s then off for a last onsen.

The events of the weekend were totally complimentary to the experience, but they weren’t what made this a weekend that affected me. It was the attitude, caring, sharing that occurred between three people that have made me feel so free, appreciative and appreciated. The whole feel of Akai and her house, and the company of Charlie and his level thoughts are what I have and will carry with me.

Thank you.

Rainy Day Rejuvenation Retreat

Yes, a (small) group will be going up to Akai Nobue's Lodge and home this weekend to celebrate TANABATA, or the "Sky Weaver's Festival." I have written about the project before, here, but Akai san's place must be experienced. On our menu is Rejuvenation: Lots of Yoga, Healthy Dining, Onsening (Hot Spring Bathing) and good talk. Cost is ¥9,999, or less than you'd spend for a night drinking on the town here. And as I've said, you will feel much better the next morning spending the weekend with us.

You can still email or call me if you want to attend, up to Friday the 6th! email to charlie3@joetsu.ne.jp or comment right here.

Thanks. Be healthy.

Charlie.

One example of a Free School...

I was happy to find this when I did a seach on Google for "I CAN" and FREE SCHOOL. Although yours truly didn't get listed on the first page, this great promo for a free school in the US came up. SOoo, what do you think? Is this what education should be? Are these kids smart? Precocious? Normal?

The setting is beautiful. Might there be such a location for I CAN some day!!

Enjoy and comment as you wish.

How to be a Man...

After the sick-scares of May, June turned into a good month. Emiko and I just got back from taking our daughter, Elinor to the American Embassy in Tokyo to get her registered as a US citizen. In 3-4 weeks her passport and Social Security number should come. Congratulations, Eli!

While poking around on Amazon today, I found a great book! Part "I CAN manual" and part "Boy Scout Handbook," The Dangerous Book for Boys covers all the essential skills for being a boy: paper airplane making, go-cart building, bow and arrow making, as well as adventure stories about Shakleton and Perry, Edmund Hillary and the like. There is an American and a British version, and the crafty stuff kind of reminds me of the Japanese best selling series of a few years ago called Asobi Zukan (Play Guide) which had rules and diagrams for how to play sumo, make bamboo skates, sketches of common insects, how to pitch a tent, how to make a teru-teru bozu, and how to use a ken-dama. The "Zukan" is written in Japanese, but it has enough drawings and diagrams to make it nearly bilingual.

Apparently there is a debate (possibly manufactured?) about the political correctness of "A Dangerous book for Boys" I expect to be giving this to some father friends of mine. I say, turn of the Playstation and Go Outside! Even in the rainy season, there is more to be learned in a walk around the block than clearing another level of Dragon Quest. Check out the Amazon interview with co-author Conn Iggulden, who seems to hit it right on.

"Boys Be Ambitious" as William Clark famously said to the young men of what is now Hokkaido University, always had kind of a sexist ring to my ears, but I don't find anything to argue about with "Boys be Strong" or "Boys Be Adventurous" or "Boys Take Risks!" Of course, my argument about Clark's phrase was that it excluded girls. What, girls don't be ambitious, stay home and do the laundry? Yes, Girls Be Strong, Girls Be Adventurous, Girls Take Risks. Just watch the risky behavior. Hmm, am I falling into a quagmire of sexist debate? Of course I want freshly Americanized Elinor-chan to be strong and be adventurous, but I feel better about her brother taking on more risk.

Risk management in Japan is another topic for another post, but books like "Dangerous" and Asobi Zukan can give young or future men a good foundation in what it is to be...what it can be to be... a guy, and feel just fine about it.

Tasting Fear

The month of May in Japan is known for its doldrums and emotional blahs. There is even a term, "Gogatsu Byo" (lit. May disease) which describes this phenomenon. While merely anecdotal, it seems that May is a tough time for a lot of people: The new school/work year is now in full swing. After the extended (by Japanese standards) holidays of Golden Week at the beginning of the month, the rest is just a letdown. The cherries have dropped their blossoms, nothing but rainy season to look forward to...

For me, May was hell.

At the end of last year I was asked to schedule a follow-up exam to check on the shadow in my left lung. "90% there's nothing wrong, but we should check it to be on the safe side." That and dental check ups. I tend to let those slide, too.

When my dad had an operation for lung cancer 6 weeks ago, I remembered the physical that I had never re-taken. So I took time from work, went to the giant hospitalfactory in town, and had another x-ray taken of my chest. Not the greatest way to spend a morning, but certainly not painful. The doctor asked, "did you have a cold when you had your first x-ray last year?" and I answered negatively. Hmmm, he said, let's take a look at the new pictures.

My mood darkened considerably when he said that yes, indeed, there was something there in the lung. I used to smoke about 3 cigarettes a day for a while, trying my hardest to act like a Japanese. I quit 3 years ago when Emiko got pregnant. So what were those spots?

"Well," said doctor X, "let's schedule a CT scan and take a closer look."

A CT scan? A CAT-scan, right? That's for really sick people! Shit, I thought, this is suddenly very serious. He wanted to schedule the CT scan for the 1st of May, in the middle of Golden Week, but I said no thank you. Vacation and all.

Little did I know how the upcomming test would color the days ahead... Being a good student of Law of Attraction and Positive Thinking, I gave my brain instructions to heal me every night. My mind starting down on a morbid, fearful ride that I didn't want to be on. Moody and Morose.

I told my wife, and decided against telling my own parents. I looked at my kids, Yuto and Eli, with a new kind of urgent love. Suddenly I realized, probably late, at age 43, that my tomorrows were not endless. Heck, this could be the end.

In the meantime, people started telling me I was losing weight. While Japanese people are prone to greet each other with, "Hey, you got fat!" Suddenly their observation that I was getting thin took on a new, cancerous meaning. I was also getting a cold, and a cough, so each hack took on the meaning of a death rattle. I was spinning toward panic.

In the middle of May I finally got the CT scan and blood test. And then two more weeks of waiting for the results. More time to brood and fantasize. People at the English school where I help out were commenting that I seemed distracted.

I CAN, our NPO for school refusal kids, turned in financial results almost exactly the same as last year: just a little in the red. Not turning a profit isn't as demoralizing for an NPO, maybe, but seeing the results of a year of new strategies and working style net the exact same results as before was uninspiring, to say the least.

In the meantime, Joe Vitale, of Hypnotic Marketing and The Secret fame wrote of a similar experience in his blog. He found that he had nothing, his cancers were not cancers, but he had been afraid. I took heart from that and intended/imagined a similar benign ending to my test series.

I also got unexpected support from an online friend in a mastermind group I semi-participate in. Susan Minarik, a woman who I "only" know online, showed incredible support and friendship when I was letting my mind get the best of me. She always had just the right message of positivity, realism and daily friendliness exactly in the dose and tone that I needed, just when I needed it.

When the day came to get the results of the CAT scan, my wife Emiko joined me while a friend watched our baby. I was a mess. Walking up and down the hospital corridors waiting for my number to come up (literally and figuratively!) I was completely dependant on the doctor's words. There was nothing now that I could do to help myself. I was either sick, or not.

His next words would either be extremely relieving, or the start of treatments, perhaps an operation, who knows. Death?

"There was something on your X-rays, but the CT scan shows no problems. 'Mondai nai desu ne.'" Never has the Japanese language sounded so beautiful!! Emiko looked at me and said, "I told you so!" and I literally started weeping tears of relief. There was no cancer, no TB, no treatments or quarantines. The sun shone a bit brighter.

I am still reflecting on what there is to be learned from my month of thinking about my own death. I'm not done yet, but it is amazing how quickly I have gone back to my normal day-to-day patterns. Not unhealthful, really, but not quite as intense, either, as it was earlier in the month.

Here are a few of the things to be taken away from all this:

1. Fear sucks. I know about F.E.A.R.: Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real. I knew that the energy I was spending worrying was negative and could be better spent. But I couldn't help my self. I DID imagine a healing of myself every night. I DID try to keep positive. But damn, it kept getting away from me.

2. Ask and receive support. You never know who your friends may turn out to be.

3. "I am not my disease." I wonder if I made that up. For example, if we are ill, or disabled, or in some other way not perfect, that in itself doesn't have to be our identity. In moments of clarity I realized that the me who I am is not even my body (although it deserves the best of care as a "vessel" of me.

4. Today, this moment, counts. There are not an unlimited number of tomorrows. Take care with your time.

5. Be Thankful. This is right out of The Secret. Be grateful for everything there already is. Be thankful for the disease or the scare of the disease because it is a learning opportunity.

6. Finally, I added 2 words to my closing signature, which used to be, Be Good, Laugh More.

Be Well, Be Good, Laugh More.
Charlie in Japan

Akai san's place

I don't usually do recommendations, but since we are planning a "healing" or "Real Japan" kind of retreat,
I thought I'd introduce my good friend who will be hosting the event in June.

Akai Nobue lives up the Noh River valley in a beautiful, European-styled "pension," or Lodge. Actually,
her place is part restaurant, part meeting place, part concert hall, part beer hall, and yoga/calligraphy studio.

The food is excellent. All natural, mostly macrobiotic. And most importantly, delicious.

The surroundings are beautiful. You can really see the seasons change with regular visits. Look up the valley
and see Hiuchi san and other beautiful mountains. Look the other way to see rice fields with a river running through.

Finally, and the real reason for visiting, is Akai san herself. She, by herself, has been running this establishment for years, while also serving until recently on the City Council of Noh. She is the most positive person I have ever met, mixing stories, advice and anecdotes with great coffee, tea, and usually something tasty from the oven.

Her website is here:

www.akainobue.com

A typical "Weekend Yoga" course starts on a Saturday afternoon, begins with introductions and "ice breaking," then shiatsu massage (lit. "Finger Pressure," like acupuncture with fingers.) Then a walk up to the onsen hot springs a few hundred meters up the valley. After a delicious dinner there may be a concert, debate, or just good, real talk. At night there is a meditation session.

The next day begins early with shouji (cleaning: discipline for the mind) and a morning walk or jog up the river. After breakfast and a short rest, there is morning yoga and massage, followed by cooking (and eating!) of the day's harvest.

When we get together I'd like to add some "Tarot Reading" or "Spirit Readings" just for fun. We really could build the program ourselves and do what WE wanted to do.

Finally, please comment on what you think a FAIR price would be for this experience. (1 night, 2 days, 3 meals, 2 Yoga classes, card readings, cooking class, meditation, onsen, etc....

Thanks for your feedback and let's have a great event!

Charlie.

Steve Wrote a Book!!

Well, it finally happened.

My best friend in high school is a published author. I, alas, am not. Yet. And only if you don't count blog publishing.

Steve Martin was, in short, the funniest guy in high school. It probably helped that that OTHER Steve Martin was at the peak of his Saturday NIght Live appearences at that time, but Steve was funny. Still is.

We were originally introduced by a mutual friend through the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons. Yes, I had a D&D stage. We ate Doritos and Dr. Pepper and fought with our imaginary characters of Elves and Dwarves. OK, I had a kind of geeky stage. Possibly still in it.

Anyway, little did I know that Steve was honing his fantasy imagination skills as we were playing. Since graduating from Pepperdine in Malibu, he became a minister involved with young people. Apparently, as a counsellor and swim coach, he learned a lot about kids. The jacket of his book, The Brand Medallion says that he and his wife have 3 sons, and are "living the adventure..." I am sure his sons, the oldest which has graduated high school, have taught him a thing or two, too, as does my 2 year old.

Well, aside from the "High school reunion" aspects of this story, there are two more relevant points.

1. The book itself is great! Although Steve says he wrote about Christian themes, never once does he sound "preachy." It is the story of a teenaged adventurer who learns about himself, and the power of words, in a new land that he discovers. This is a book that I wish was translated in Japanese for my students. The issues are self-confidence, self-esteem and self-mastery, with sub themes of honesty, trust and companionship. Geez (hope I can write that, Steve), these are exactly the same things we work on at I CAN, the free school I work at. As important as the themes, though, is that the story is just a good read, exciting at the right times, moving, full of good teenage dialogue, well-described and also fun. Though I started the book because it was my buddy's first book, I finished it because I really wanted to find out what happened to Cael and his crew.

2. The second learning point is how Steve told me he wrote the manuscript. How? With discipline. A schedule that he stuck to without fail. I hope it will be OK with Steve if I quote from his email:

"I began in June, 2004 by reading extensively in that genre, taking notes on various fiction styles, and developing characters. I would say I spent about three months on that part. Then in September I began going to the library a couple of times a week to design a story outline. It was probably a sermon writing hazard, but I wanted to know where the story was going before I jumped in. The original layout was 22 chapters with 10-12 "key idea" bullet points for each.

"The key for my writing was just consistency. Along the way I added a couple of chapters, bringing the final book to 25 chapters. And although I took a couple of weeks off from writing fatigue, I managed to finish the rough draft at the end of June -- a little over a year from when I started."


See what you can do in a year?
Steve did not "manifest" his book, or dream about writing it someday (that's my department). What he did and what makes him successful in this project is that he DID THE WORK.

What a novel idea.

Peter Payne, from San Diego to Japan

There is a company that I have been watching here in Japan since before this blog even started. A guy in Gunma, the neighboring prefecture to Niigata, has set up an import/export business of all things Japanese. And in the last year or so, it looks like he has expanded his business to include wholesaling.

With a quick look at his site at J-List! which includes adult-themed goods or J-Box, which is strictly PG, you can order from America (or anywhere -- this is the internet!) T-shirts and study aids, Pocky and Black Black gum and even bikini model photo books.

This is a business that I would have like to have started myself. Someday, I suppose I might meet Mr. Peter Payne, and compare notes between Seal Beach and San Diego, Niigata and Gumna, our respective Japanese wives, and the like. Kind of interesting, and worth a check if you are interested in some wacky (for lack of a better word) Japanese products.

"Favorite Sakura Festival Food"

The cherry blossoms are in full bloom in Takada, in the southern part of Niigata prefecture, where I live and work. Two years ago my mother and sister came in April, hoping to catch "full bloom" but had to leave a few days before the flowers opened. This year, there was quite a stir caused in Japan because the incredibly mild winter (see Inconvenient Truth) was wreaking havoc on the national cherry blossom bloom predictions.

But this week, as you can see, is beautiful. Rows upon rows of cherry blossom trees that remind me of pink popcorn or cotton candy. At least the cotton candy (candy floss for Brits, 'Tralians and Kiwis) can be had at the food stalls that are just as important (or moreso) than the flowers themselves. The Japanese have a saying, "Hana yori Dango," literally, "Dumplings rather than Flowers," which shows the preference for eating and drinking at the festival. Actually, some think the cherry blossoms are merely an(other) excuse for loosen-the-tie eating and drinking to excess.

When I took the Day Program members of Free School I CAN to the park, we were all having a wonderful time until a well intentioned (?) grandmother came up and started interrogating us as to why we weren't "In School." While I patiently explained that we were members of an alternative school, she literally could not understand what that might be, and walked off muttering something about "compulsory education."

In Japan, compulsory education is mandatory until the age of 15 (vs. 18 in the US, at least in California). However, for those kids who can't or choose not to go to "regular" school, there are few options. Homeschooling is just getting started here. Free schools are seen as playhouses for selfish kids who "can't cope."

Our mission at I CAN is to give kids a safe, fun, friendly environment for kids to learn some of those coping skills. Whether they choose to apply them at school or not is not as important as the fact that they are growing into confident, happy kids, who look forward to getting up in the morning!